I’ve never been the most expressive person. I don’t always know the right words to say, and big emotional moments can feel a little awkward for me. But one thing I’ve learned is that making a child feel seen and valued doesn’t have to mean over-the-top gestures or constant praise.
Validation isn’t about spoiling or agreeing with everything they say—it’s about letting them know their feelings matter. And even if expressing emotions doesn’t come naturally to you, there are simple ways to show your child they are understood and supported.
Here are seven ways to make your child feel validated, even if you aren’t the most outwardly expressive person.
1) Listen without rushing to fix
It’s natural to want to solve your child’s problems. When they’re upset, frustrated, or disappointed, the instinct is to jump in with advice or reassurance—“It’s not a big deal” or “Here’s what you should do.”
But sometimes, they don’t need a solution. They just need to be heard.
When you take the time to listen without immediately trying to fix things, you’re showing them that their feelings are valid. That their emotions aren’t something to be dismissed or brushed aside.
A simple “I hear you” or “That sounds really tough” can go a long way in making them feel understood. And sometimes, that’s all they need.
2) Acknowledge their feelings, even if you don’t fully understand
I used to think that if I didn’t personally relate to what my child was feeling, I couldn’t really validate it. But I’ve learned that understanding isn’t a requirement—acknowledgment is.
I remember a time when my son was devastated because his favorite toy broke. To me, it seemed like such a small thing—I could easily replace it—but to him, it was everything in that moment.
My first instinct was to say, “It’s just a toy, we can get another one.” But I stopped myself and said, “I can see you’re really upset. That toy was special to you.”
His whole body relaxed. He still felt sad, but he knew I wasn’t brushing his feelings aside. Sometimes, kids don’t need us to get it—they just need us to recognize that what they feel is real.
3) Use their name when you talk to them
Hearing our own name activates unique pathways in the brain associated with identity and self-worth. From a young age, a child’s name becomes deeply tied to their sense of self, which is why using it intentionally can make a big difference in how valued they feel.
Instead of a generic “Good job,” try “I’m really proud of you, Emma.” Instead of calling out “Come here,” say “Liam, I’d love to hear what you think.”
It’s a small shift, but it signals to your child that they are seen as an individual—not just another voice in the crowd. And when they feel recognized in that way, they’re more likely to feel secure, respected, and validated.
4) Let them have their own opinions
It can be tempting to correct your child when they express an opinion you don’t agree with. Whether it’s about their favorite movie, their taste in music, or even how they see a situation, the urge to step in and “set the record straight” can be strong.
But constantly challenging their perspective can make them feel like their thoughts don’t matter. Instead of immediately disagreeing, try asking, “What do you like about it?” or “That’s interesting—tell me more.”
Giving them space to have their own opinions (even if they change over time) helps them build confidence in their ability to think for themselves. And when they feel like what they say is valued, they’re more likely to share openly with you in the future.
5) Apologize when you get it wrong
There have been times when I’ve dismissed a feeling too quickly or reacted more harshly than I meant to. Maybe I was tired, distracted, or just didn’t think before speaking. And I could tell right away that it hurt.
It’s not always easy to admit when you’ve made a mistake, especially as a parent. But saying, “I shouldn’t have said that,” or “I realize now that I wasn’t really listening—can we try again?” teaches a child that their feelings matter, even when you don’t get it right the first time.
More importantly, it shows them that apologizing isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a sign of respect. And when they see you owning your mistakes, they learn that their emotions are worth acknowledging, no matter who they’re talking to.
6) Celebrate effort, not just results
It’s easy to praise a child when they win the game, ace the test, or finish the project perfectly. But if validation only comes when they succeed, they may start to believe that their value depends on achievements.
Instead of focusing only on results, try recognizing the effort they put in. “I saw how hard you worked on that” or “You didn’t give up, even when it was tough” reinforces that their dedication matters—not just the outcome.
When kids feel valued for their effort, they become more willing to take risks, make mistakes, and try again. And that’s what helps them grow into confident, resilient individuals.
7) Make time for them, even in small ways
Nothing makes a child feel more validated than knowing they are worth your time. It doesn’t have to be hours of deep conversation or grand outings—it can be as simple as sitting with them while they talk about their day, watching their favorite show together, or really listening when they tell you a story.
When you consistently show up, even in small moments, they learn that their thoughts, feelings, and presence matter. And that feeling stays with them long after childhood.
Bottom line: feeling seen shapes who they become
From childhood through adulthood, the need to feel seen and understood is one of the most fundamental human experiences. Psychologists have long emphasized that validation plays a crucial role in emotional development, helping children build self-esteem, resilience, and trust in their own emotions.
When children consistently feel heard and valued, they don’t just carry that security through their early years—they take it with them into every relationship, challenge, and decision they face as they grow.
Even if expressing emotions doesn’t come naturally to you, small moments of recognition can have a lasting impact. Because in the end, feeling validated isn’t about grand gestures—it’s about knowing that who you are matters.
