Raising a child who respects you as they grow older is no easy task. It’s not about laying down the law – it’s about what you’re communicating with your behavior.
Most parents don’t realize that their everyday actions and responses can leave lasting impressions.
If you want your child to respect you as they mature, there are certain behaviors you might need to give up.
This article will shed light on the seven behaviors that could be eroding your child’s respect for you.
These are things we do unconsciously, without realizing their impact. So let’s dive in, shall we?
1) Overreacting
We all have our moments when our emotions get the better of us. But as a parent, it’s crucial to remember that our reactions can have a significant impact on our children.
Children often look to their parents as a model for how to handle emotions and stress. If they see us losing our cool at every minor inconvenience, they learn that this is a normal way to react.
This doesn’t mean you’re expected to be a stoic rock at all times, but rather, to handle your emotions in a healthy and respectful way.
When we overreact, we not only teach our children that it’s okay to respond irrationally, but we also risk losing their respect.
It’s difficult for them to see us as rational authority figures when we can’t manage our own emotions.
Becoming mindful of your reactions and working towards emotional stability can help create a respectful relationship with your child as they grow older. Change starts with us.
2) Lack of consistency
I remember when my son was in his early teens, he used to question why the rules at home kept changing.
One day, staying up late to watch a movie was okay, the next day it was not. He found it unfair, and I could sense his frustration.
That’s when I realized how confusing inconsistent rules can be for children.
Consistency is key in parenting. When we keep changing the rules or our expectations from them, they feel lost and unsure about what is acceptable behavior.
This inconsistency can lead to them losing respect for us as they don’t see us as reliable figures.
By setting clear and consistent rules, we not only help our children understand our expectations but also earn their respect by being fair and predictable.
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Since then, I’ve made a conscious effort to be more consistent in my parenting, and I’ve seen a positive shift in my relationship with my son.
3) Not practicing mindfulness
We often juggle multiple roles as parents, and it’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of daily life. But in the process, we may neglect to be present and attentive to our children.
When we are not present, our children can feel overlooked and unimportant.
Over time, this can lead to them losing respect for us.
In my book, “The Art of Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Living in the Moment”, I talk about how practicing mindfulness can help us become more attentive and present in our lives, including our relationships with our children.
When we practice mindfulness, we’re not just present, but we’re actively listening and engaging with our child.
This displays respect towards them and teaches them how to respect others as well.
Mindfulness is a powerful tool that can greatly improve our relationships, not just with our children but with everyone in our lives. And who knows, your child might thank you for it when they’re older.
4) Not admitting when you’re wrong
One of the hardest things I’ve had to do was admitting to my daughter that I was wrong.
We had a disagreement about her school project that escalated into a full-blown argument. I was so sure I was right until I realised later that night, after some research, that I was actually in the wrong.
It was a humbling experience to apologize to my daughter the next day. But it taught me an important lesson: admitting when you’re wrong isn’t a sign of weakness, but a testament to your integrity.
Children learn from our actions more than our words. When we admit our mistakes, we show them that it’s okay to be wrong and that owning up to our errors is a sign of strength and maturity.
This honesty can earn us their respect and teach them the importance of accountability.
5) Trying to be their best friend
It might seem counter-intuitive, but trying to be your child’s best friend can often backfire.
As parents, our role isn’t just to be liked by our children, but to guide, teach, and sometimes discipline them.
When we prioritize being their friend over being their parent, we risk blurring those boundaries.
We might avoid setting rules or doling out consequences in fear of upsetting them. Or we may overshare personal information that isn’t appropriate for their age or maturity level.
This can lead to confusion, lack of discipline, and ultimately, a loss of respect.
While it’s important to have a warm and close relationship with your child, remember that you’re not just a friend — you’re a parent first.
Balancing these roles can garner your child’s respect as they grow older.
6) Disregarding their feelings
As adults, we sometimes forget that children have their own universe of emotions just like us. It’s easy to dismiss their feelings as trivial compared to the ‘real problems’ of the adult world.
But to them, their feelings are very real and very important. When we disregard their feelings or belittle their problems, we send a message that their emotions don’t matter.
This can make them feel invalidated and disrespected.
By acknowledging their feelings and showing empathy, we not only validate their emotions but also teach them how to handle their feelings in a healthy way.
It’s a crucial step in building a relationship of respect with your child as they get older.
7) Neglecting self-care
As parents, we often put our children’s needs before our own. But neglecting our own self-care is a disservice not only to ourselves but also to our children.
When we’re stressed, exhausted, or in poor health, it affects how we interact with our children.
We may become impatient, irritable, or less attentive. Our children notice this and it can affect their respect for us.
Taking care of ourselves is not selfish, it’s necessary. When we’re at our best, we can be the best parents for our children.
And showing them that we value ourselves teaches them to do the same. It’s a key aspect of earning their respect as they grow older.
Final thoughts: It’s a journey
In the end, parenting is a journey of growth and discovery, both for you and your child.
As we navigate this journey, it’s important to remember that our actions, behaviors, and the way we handle our own emotions can greatly influence how our children perceive us as they grow older.
In my book, “The Art of Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Living in the Moment”, I delve deeper into many of these concepts.
Mindfulness is not just about living in the present moment but also about being aware of how our actions and behaviors are shaping the relationships around us, including the one with our children.
Earning your child’s respect as they grow older isn’t about being a perfect parent – there’s no such thing.
It’s about striving to be the best you can be, learning from your mistakes, and making conscious choices to foster a relationship of mutual respect with your child.
Remember, it’s never too late to make changes. Every step we take towards improving ourselves has a positive impact on our children.
It’s about progress, not perfection.
Continue this journey with mindfulness and compassion, and you’ll see the fruits of your labor in the respectful relationship you build with your child over time.