Let’s talk about parenting. It’s not always a walk in the park. As our kids grow older, maintaining a loving relationship can feel like a balancing act.
The difference between a strained relationship and a loving one often boils down to our behaviors. Some actions, even if well-intended, can push our kids away.
On the flip side, letting go of certain behaviors can open the door to a more loving relationship as your child matures. Now, let’s dive into what these behaviors are that we should say goodbye to.
1) Quit the lecture mode
Parenting often brings out our inner professor. We have a natural instinct to lecture our kids on every wrong move they make, hoping they’ll learn from it.
As our children grow older, this approach can distance them rather than bring them closer.
They may start viewing us as nagging, unapproachable figures rather than understanding and loving parents.
Instead, try to engage in open-ended conversations. Ask them about their views and feelings, and share your own in a non-judgemental manner. Encourage dialogue over monologue.
A loving relationship is built on mutual understanding and respect.
Let’s say goodbye to the lecture mode if we want to foster a more loving relationship with our kids as they grow up.
2) Stop dismissing their emotions
I can recall a time when my teenage daughter came home upset over a tiff with her best friend.
My immediate reaction was to brush it off and say, “Oh, you’ll make up by tomorrow.”
I realized, however, that this dismissal of her feelings was not the right approach.
It didn’t comfort her, nor did it give her the emotional validation she needed at that moment.
Instead of dismissing their emotions, we should acknowledge them. It’s important to show our kids that their feelings matter, no matter how trivial the situation might seem to us.
Now, when my daughter shares her worries, I listen, I empathize, and I validate her feelings.
This change in my behavior has certainly helped in strengthening our relationship.
3) Let go of your need for control
As parents, we often feel the need to control every aspect of our child’s life. We want to protect them, guide them, and ensure they make the right choices.
Children with controlling parents can feel less competent, less confident, and less likely to take on new challenges.
This can strain the parent-child relationship and create a gap that widens with time.
Instead of trying to control every decision they make, we should guide them and let them make their own choices.
This not only fosters independence but also builds trust and strengthens our bond with our children.
4) Avoid comparing them to others
It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing our children to their peers, cousins, or even siblings.
We may believe it’s a way to motivate them to do better. But in reality, it often creates feelings of inadequacy and resentment.
Every child is unique, with their own set of skills, interests, and pace of growth.
Rather than focusing on how they measure up against others, we should celebrate their individuality and progress.
By appreciating their uniqueness and avoiding comparison, we can cultivate a more loving and supportive relationship with our children as they grow older.
5) Don’t always fix their problems
There was a time when my son was struggling with a school project.
My instinct was to swoop in and solve the problem for him.
However, I held back and realized that sometimes, the best thing we can do is not to fix their problems, but to provide support as they find their own solutions.
This approach allowed him to learn the value of hard work and resilience. It also sent a message that I trust his ability to handle challenges on his own.
Over time, this not only empowered him but also brought us closer as I became more of a guide than a problem solver.
6) Ditch the ‘do as I say, not as I do’ mentality
Children are like sponges. They absorb everything they see and hear. And one of the most powerful lessons they learn is through our actions.
If we want our kids to be honest, kind, and respectful, we need to model those behaviors ourselves.
Telling them one thing while doing another sends mixed signals and can lead to confusion and resentment.
By aligning our actions with our words, we can foster a more authentic and loving relationship with our children as they get older.
7) Refrain from being judgmental
The most crucial behavior to let go of is being judgmental. Our kids are navigating their own path in life, and they will inevitably make mistakes.
It’s important that they feel safe to share these experiences with us without fear of judgment.
When we respond with understanding rather than judgment, we foster an environment of trust and open communication.
This paves the way for a deeper, more loving relationship with our children as they get older.
Final thought: It’s all about connection
In the end, fostering a more loving relationship with your child as they grow older is deeply intertwined with connection.
Connection not only in the sense of shared experiences or interests, but also in understanding, empathy, and emotional availability.
Renowned child psychologist Haim Ginott once said, “Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression.”
Our behaviors, our reactions, our words – they all leave lasting impressions on our children and shape the relationship we have with them.
As we bid goodbye to the behaviors that hinder this connection, we open up space for more love, trust, and mutual respect.
As parents, our goal isn’t to control or mold our children into who we think they should be.
It’s to guide them as they discover who they are for themselves. And that journey is made smoother with love and understanding.
