When my kids were little, I used to think about the day they’d grow up and move out. It felt so far away—like something future me would deal with.
But here we are. They’re becoming adults, carving out lives of their own, and somehow, our bond hasn’t drifted. If anything, it feels stronger in a new, evolving kind of way.
I know what people say: “Once they grow up, it’s never the same.” And sure, things are different. But different doesn’t have to mean distant.
If you’re wondering how we’ve made it work, let me tell you—it’s not about holding on tightly or trying to keep things exactly as they were. It’s about growing with them and showing up in ways that matter.
Here’s what we’ve been doing to keep that connection alive as we step into this new phase together.
1) Letting go of control, but staying present
It’s tempting to want to guide every decision your kids make, even as they grow older. After all, we’ve spent years teaching them, protecting them, and helping them navigate life.
But adulthood is their time to take the lead. I’ve learned that letting go of control doesn’t mean stepping out of their lives—it means stepping back just enough to let them find their footing while still being there when they need me.
Sometimes, that’s as simple as listening without offering advice. Other times, it’s respecting their choices, even if I don’t completely agree with them.
The key is showing them that I trust their ability to make decisions while also being a steady presence they can count on. It’s a balance, but it’s one that keeps the connection strong.
2) Embracing change in how we connect
When my son left for college, I worried about how we’d stay close. Our daily rhythms were suddenly so different, and I wasn’t sure how to bridge that gap.
I tried something new: I started texting him memes. Silly ones, ones that reminded me of him, or just random things I thought he’d laugh at. To my surprise, he started sending some back.
It wasn’t the deep, heart-to-heart connection I was used to when he lived at home, but it was something, and it worked for us.
Those little exchanges became a way to stay in each other’s lives without feeling forced or overwhelming.
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What I’ve realized is that connection doesn’t always look the way it used to—and that’s okay. Sometimes, it’s about finding new ways to meet them where they are, even if it’s through a meme about cats.
3) Apologizing when I get it wrong
I wish I could say I’ve handled every transition perfectly, but the truth is, I’ve messed up more times than I can count.
Like the time I gave unsolicited advice about my daughter’s career plans. I thought I was being helpful, but she didn’t see it that way.
Her reaction caught me off guard. She pulled away for a few days, and it stung—but it also made me reflect. I realized I had overstepped, treating her like the teenager she used to be instead of the capable adult she’s becoming.
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I did what I would’ve expected from her if the roles were reversed: I apologized. Not one of those “I’m sorry you feel that way” apologies, but a real one. I owned up to it and told her I’d try to do better.
It wasn’t easy, but it mattered. That conversation reminded both of us that our relationship isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being honest and willing to repair things when they go wrong. And honestly? It brought us closer.
4) Showing interest without overstepping
When my kids were younger, I knew every detail of their lives—from what they ate for lunch to who their best friends were. Now, I don’t always have that front-row seat, and that’s been an adjustment.
But instead of prying or bombarding them with questions, I’ve learned to approach things differently.
When my daughter shares a story about her job or a new hobby she’s picked up, I lean in—really lean in—and ask thoughtful questions. Not to interrogate, but to show I care about what lights her up.
The trick is knowing when to step back, too. If she doesn’t feel like talking, I respect that and let her come to me on her own time.
What I’ve found is that by staying genuinely curious—without pushing—I’ve created a space where they want to share more with me.
It’s not about being in every corner of their lives; it’s about being a safe place when they’re ready to let me in.
5) Creating rituals that evolve with us
When my kids were younger, Friday nights were sacred. We’d pile onto the couch with popcorn and watch movies together—no phones, no distractions, just us.
As they’ve grown older, life has gotten busier, and those Friday nights aren’t always possible anymore. But instead of letting that time slip away completely, we’ve found new ways to keep it alive.
Now, whenever they’re home, we still make time for a family meal or a long walk where we catch up on everything and nothing. It’s not about the activity itself—it’s about carving out intentional time together.
Studies show that shared rituals, even small ones, help strengthen bonds and create a sense of belonging. I think that’s why these moments matter so much to us.
They remind us that no matter how much life changes, we still have something solid to hold onto.
6) Respecting their need for space
There are days when my kids don’t call or text back right away. Sometimes it’s hours, sometimes it’s days. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bother me at first.
But then I thought about it: they’re juggling work, relationships, and their own lives now. They’re figuring out who they are outside of being my kids. And honestly? That’s exactly what they should be doing.
So instead of taking it personally, I remind myself that giving them space is part of loving them. It’s trusting that our relationship doesn’t depend on constant communication—it’s built on something deeper.
When they do reach out, I make sure to be present and available. No guilt trips, no “Why haven’t I heard from you?” Just a genuine “It’s so good to hear your voice.” Those words go further than anything else I could say.
7) Loving them for who they are now
It’s easy to hold onto the image of who your kids used to be—the little hands that reached for yours, the giggles that filled the house, the versions of them that felt familiar and safe.
But as they grow, they’re constantly changing, and I’ve realized how important it is to meet them where they are—not where I want them to be or where they used to be.
I’ve learned to celebrate their individuality, even when it surprises me. Their choices, opinions, and paths might not always align with what I imagined, but they’re theirs.
And loving them means embracing all of it—the messy, the unexpected, the beautiful.
Because at the end of the day, what keeps our relationship strong isn’t holding onto who they were—it’s showing up for who they are right now.
The bottom line
Relationships with our children don’t have to fade as they grow older—they simply evolve.
Staying connected isn’t about holding on tightly or keeping things the same; it’s about adapting, listening, and showing up in meaningful ways.
As parents, it’s not always easy to step back or embrace change, but the reward is seeing our bond grow in new and unexpected directions.
At the heart of it all is love—the kind that respects their independence, celebrates their growth, and meets them exactly where they are.
Because when we let go of who we think we need to be as parents and simply *be there*, we create space for something lasting: a relationship that thrives through every stage of life.