Navigating the world of relationships can be a tricky business, especially when you’re dealing with a covert narcissist.
Now, you might ask, what’s a covert narcissist? Well, they’re the master manipulators of the emotional world, hiding behind a veil of charm and charisma while secretly pulling the strings.
Being in a relationship with one isn’t easy. In fact, it’s like walking on a minefield, not knowing when you’ll trigger an explosion.
But don’t worry, I’ve got your back. Here are seven red flags that you might be in a relationship with a covert narcissist. These signs could serve as your guide to navigate this emotional labyrinth.
Remember, knowledge is power. So let’s get started and empower ourselves.
1) They’re always the victim
Is your partner constantly playing the victim? This could be a red flag of a covert narcissist.
Covert narcissists have an uncanny ability to always paint themselves as the victim. No matter what happens, they find a way to twist it so that they appear to be the innocent party.
It might be that they’re always blaming others for their mistakes, or perhaps they’re constantly feeling persecuted or misunderstood. They might even try to make you feel guilty for things that aren’t your fault.
This constant victimhood serves two purposes for them: they avoid taking responsibility for their actions, and they gain sympathy and attention from others.
This red flag isn’t just about their actions, but also how they make you feel. If you find yourself constantly apologizing or feeling guilty, it might be time to take a step back and evaluate your relationship.
2) They never appreciate your efforts
I’ve learned this lesson the hard way. No matter how much you do for a covert narcissist, they never seem to acknowledge or appreciate your efforts.
In my previous relationship, I found myself going above and beyond to please my partner. I’d spend hours planning surprises, cooking their favorite meals, and picking out thoughtful gifts.
Yet, it was never enough. There was always something that wasn’t right or could have been better.
This lack of appreciation wasn’t just limited to the big things. Even the smallest actions – like doing their laundry or picking up their favorite snack – went unnoticed.
A relationship should be a two-way street – appreciation and gratitude should flow from both sides. But with a covert narcissist, you’ll find yourself in a one-sided relationship where your efforts are rarely acknowledged.
If you’re constantly feeling unappreciated despite your best efforts, it might be another red flag that you’re dealing with a covert narcissist.
3) They have a grandiose sense of self
Covert narcissists often harbor an exaggerated sense of self-importance. They believe they are special and unique, deserving of admiration and adoration from others.
This grandiosity isn’t always obvious, as it is with overt narcissists. Covert narcissists may hide it behind a mask of humility or self-deprecation.
However, their belief in their own superiority tends to leak out in subtle ways.
They might believe they are destined for greatness or feel entitled to special treatment. They might dismiss the opinions or feelings of others, seeing their own perspective as the only valid one.
Interestingly, this inflated self-view isn’t backed by reality.
Research shows that narcissists’ self-views are often disconnected from their actual abilities or achievements. Their grandiosity is largely a facade, an attempt to maintain their fragile self-esteem.
So, if your partner often displays a sense of superiority or entitlement, it’s another sign that you could be dealing with a covert narcissist.
4) They constantly need admiration
Covert narcissists have an insatiable need for admiration and validation. They crave acknowledgment, compliments, and praise, and they often go to great lengths to seek it.
This can manifest in various ways. They might consistently steer conversations towards themselves or their achievements. They might fish for compliments or subtly manipulate you into praising them.
Yet, no matter how much admiration they receive, it never seems to be enough. This is because their self-esteem is largely dependent on external validation.
It’s normal to enjoy praise and recognition. But if your partner needs constant validation to feel good about themselves, it could be a sign of covert narcissism.
Remember, a healthy relationship involves mutual respect and validation, not one person constantly seeking attention and admiration from the other.
5) They’re emotionally unavailable
One of the most challenging parts of my past relationship was dealing with my partner’s emotional unavailability.
They often seemed detached and distant, even during the most intimate moments. Emotionally charged conversations were deflected with humor or completely ignored.
They rarely shared their feelings or showed any vulnerability, making it difficult for me to connect with them on a deeper level.
This emotional unavailability wasn’t just limited to the tough times. Even during joyful moments, they struggled to share in the happiness or express their feelings openly.
Being emotionally available is critical in a relationship. It allows for deeper connection, empathy, and understanding.
But with a covert narcissist, you’ll often find yourself in a relationship that lacks emotional depth and intimacy.
So, if you’re feeling emotionally disconnected from your partner despite your best efforts to connect, it could be another red flag of covert narcissism.
6) They’re hypersensitive to criticism
Covert narcissists tend to be extremely sensitive to criticism. Even the slightest negative comment can trigger a defensive response or an outright attack.
This hypersensitivity stems from their inflated self-image. Any criticism, no matter how constructive, is viewed as a threat to their self-esteem and superiority.
Their reactions to criticism can range from passive-aggressive comments to full-blown tantrums. They might lash out, deflect blame, or even try to undermine the person who dared to criticize them.
So, if your partner can’t handle criticism or turns hostile when their flaws are pointed out, it’s another sign that you might be dealing with a covert narcissist.
Remember, everyone makes mistakes and nobody’s perfect. A healthy relationship involves being able to accept and learn from criticism, not lashing out every time your flaws are pointed out.
7) They lack empathy
Perhaps the most telling sign of a covert narcissist is their lack of empathy. They struggle to understand or share the feelings of others, often appearing cold or indifferent to your needs.
Empathy is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship, allowing us to connect and support each other in times of need. But with a covert narcissist, you’ll often find yourself feeling misunderstood or dismissed.
So, if your partner consistently fails to show empathy or understand your feelings, it’s a major red flag of covert narcissism.
No matter how much they charm or manipulate, remember that a lack of empathy is not just a character flaw, it’s a major sign of emotional dysfunction.
Final thoughts: It’s about self-care
The complexities of human relationships often intertwine with our emotional well-being.
One such complexity is navigating a relationship with a covert narcissist. Recognizing these red flags is crucial, not just for understanding your partner better, but also for self-preservation.
A relationship with a covert narcissist can be emotionally draining, often leaving you feeling misunderstood and unappreciated. But it’s essential to remember that these experiences are not a reflection of your worth.
The American Psychological Association emphasizes the importance of self-care in maintaining our mental health.
This includes setting boundaries and prioritizing our needs, especially when dealing with difficult relationships.
Whether it’s seeking professional help, confiding in trusted friends, or finding solace in self-reflection, remember the importance of taking care of your emotional health.
So as you navigate this challenging terrain, remember to prioritize self-care.
Recognize your worth, respect your boundaries, and never allow anyone to undermine your self-esteem. Because at the end of the day, your emotional well-being matters most.
