Gratitude is supposed to be one of the most genuine emotions we can express.
It connects us to others, strengthens relationships, and reminds us of the good in our lives.
But let’s be honest—sometimes, people say they’re grateful when they don’t really mean it.
Maybe they feel obligated to show appreciation, or maybe they just want to avoid seeming rude. Either way, there are certain phrases that sound like gratitude on the surface but don’t quite ring true when you really listen.
Psychology has a lot to say about this. When people fake gratitude, their words often follow predictable patterns—subtle clues that their thankfulness isn’t as sincere as it seems.
Here are eight common phrases people use when they’re pretending to be grateful, according to psychology.
1) I really appreciate it, but…
Genuine gratitude doesn’t come with conditions or hesitations.
When someone truly appreciates something, they express it outright. But when they’re pretending, they often tack on a “but” at the end, which completely undercuts the appreciation they just gave.
This phrase can be a subtle way of softening criticism or signaling that the gratitude isn’t entirely sincere. Maybe they don’t actually value what was done for them, or maybe they feel obligated to acknowledge it but don’t want to seem too enthusiastic.
Either way, that little “but” is doing a lot of work—and not in a good way.
2) Thanks, I guess
When gratitude is real, it doesn’t sound uncertain.
I’ll never forget a time when I spent weeks helping a friend prepare for a big job interview. I reviewed their resume, did mock interviews, even stayed up late sending them encouragement.
When they finally got the job, I was excited to celebrate with them. But when I congratulated them and they said, “Thanks, I guess,” it stung more than I expected.
That hesitation in their voice made it clear—they weren’t all that grateful. Maybe they felt like they would have gotten the job anyway, or maybe they didn’t want to acknowledge how much I had helped. Either way, it left me feeling like my effort hadn’t really mattered to them.
Real gratitude has confidence behind it. When someone truly means it, there’s no “guessing” involved.
3) I should be grateful, right?
Gratitude isn’t something you should feel—it’s something you do feel.
As Oprah Winfrey once said, “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.”
When someone says, “I should be grateful, right?” they’re not actually expressing gratitude—they’re questioning it. It’s as if they’re trying to convince themselves (or others) that they appreciate something when, deep down, they don’t.
This phrase often comes from a place of guilt. Maybe they know they should be thankful but don’t truly feel it. Or maybe they’re comparing themselves to others who have less and using that as a reason to force gratitude they don’t actually have.
Real appreciation doesn’t need justification. It’s felt naturally, not squeezed out through obligation.
4) Much appreciated
The words might sound polite, but something about them can feel distant.
Studies have shown that gratitude strengthens relationships, but only when it’s expressed in a personal and meaningful way. A simple “thank you” with eye contact and sincerity can create a genuine connection, but phrases like “much appreciated” often feel cold and detached.
This phrase is used a lot in professional settings, where politeness is expected but deep gratitude isn’t always felt. When someone says it in a personal situation, it can signal that they’re going through the motions rather than actually feeling thankful.
Gratitude should feel warm and intentional—not like a generic email sign-off.
5) I owe you one
Gratitude isn’t a transaction.
When someone is truly thankful, they don’t immediately turn it into a debt. Saying “I owe you one” shifts the focus away from appreciation and onto obligation. Instead of acknowledging kindness in the moment, it turns it into a future favor that needs to be repaid.
This phrase can sometimes be genuine, but more often, it’s a way to avoid sitting with the discomfort of receiving help.
Some people struggle to accept generosity without feeling like they need to even the score. Others use it as a way to acknowledge kindness without actually expressing real gratitude.
True appreciation doesn’t come with strings attached. It stands on its own.
6) I guess I should say thanks
Gratitude isn’t something you do out of duty.
When someone says, “I guess I should say thanks,” they aren’t actually expressing appreciation—they’re acknowledging that it’s socially expected. The words might be there, but the feeling is missing.
This phrase often comes with a sense of reluctance, as if the person doesn’t really believe they have a reason to be grateful but knows it would look bad if they didn’t say something. It can also be a subtle way of downplaying the effort or kindness they received, making it seem like whatever was done for them wasn’t that significant.
Real appreciation doesn’t need prompting. It comes naturally, without hesitation or obligation.
7) If you say so, thanks
Gratitude isn’t supposed to sound like surrender.
When someone says, “If you say so, thanks,” it doesn’t come across as appreciation—it feels more like they’re conceding defeat.
This phrase is often used when a person doesn’t actually feel grateful but wants to avoid an argument or seem polite.
It can also hint at resentment. Maybe they don’t believe they should be thankful, or maybe they feel pressured to acknowledge something they don’t truly appreciate. Either way, the words may be there, but the meaning behind them is weak.
Real gratitude isn’t reluctant or forced. It’s given freely, without resistance.
8) Fine, thanks
Gratitude should never feel like an obligation.
When someone says, “Fine, thanks,” it’s rarely a true expression of appreciation. Instead, it sounds like something they’re saying just to get it over with—like checking a box rather than actually meaning it.
Tone matters here.
The words themselves might seem polite, but when they’re said with indifference or frustration, they reveal a lack of real gratitude. This phrase can come from someone who feels pressured to express thanks but doesn’t actually feel it, or from someone who wants to move the conversation along without engaging in real appreciation.
True gratitude doesn’t feel like a chore. It’s not something you have to say—it’s something you want to say.
The bottom line
Gratitude is one of the most powerful emotions we can express, but only when it’s real. Empty words and forced appreciation don’t strengthen relationships—they weaken them.
Psychologist Robert Emmons, a leading researcher on gratitude, has found that true gratitude improves mental health, strengthens social bonds, and even enhances overall life satisfaction. But when gratitude is insincere, it loses its impact. It becomes just another social script instead of a meaningful connection.
Next time you find yourself saying “thanks” out of habit or obligation, pause for a moment. Ask yourself if you truly feel appreciation or if you’re just trying to say the right thing. Gratitude should never be performative—it should be felt.
Honest appreciation, even in small moments, has the power to transform relationships and deepen connections. It’s not about saying the perfect words—it’s about meaning them.
