Relationships can be tough. Even the best ones take effort, communication, and a whole lot of self-awareness. But what happens when one or both people in a relationship lack emotional maturity?
Well, that’s where things can start to unravel pretty quickly.
I’ve spent years diving deep into psychology and human behavior, and one thing I’ve learned is this: emotional immaturity doesn’t just cause small bumps in the road – it can completely derail a relationship.
And the tricky part? Many people don’t even realize they’re behaving in emotionally immature ways.
In this article, I’ll break down seven things emotionally immature people often do in relationships, according to psychology. If you’ve ever felt frustrated or stuck in a relationship dynamic that just doesn’t feel healthy, this might shine some light on what’s really going on.
Let’s jump in.
1) Avoid taking responsibility for their actions
One of the clearest signs of emotional immaturity in a relationship is the inability – or outright refusal – to take responsibility for their actions.
Think about it: when something goes wrong, do they own up to their part in it, or do they deflect, blame, or play the victim?
Emotionally immature people often struggle to admit fault or acknowledge how their behavior affects their partner. Instead, they’ll point fingers, make excuses, or act like they’re being unfairly targeted.
This can be incredibly frustrating for the other person in the relationship because without accountability, problems never truly get resolved. It’s like trying to fix a leak when someone keeps pretending there’s no water running down the walls.
Psychology suggests that this avoidance often stems from a fear of criticism or rejection. Taking responsibility requires vulnerability – something emotionally immature people tend to shy away from. But without it, trust and growth in a relationship become almost impossible.
If you’ve noticed this pattern with someone (or even with yourself), take a step back and think about how often accountability really shows up in your interactions. It might be the missing piece holding both of you back from deeper connection.
2) Struggle to communicate their feelings
I’ll never forget one of my past relationships where this became a major issue. Whenever something was bothering my partner, instead of sharing how they felt, they’d shut down completely. I’d ask, “What’s wrong?” and I’d get the usual, “Nothing, I’m fine,” when clearly, they weren’t fine at all.
It felt like I was trying to solve a puzzle without all the pieces. And honestly, I wasn’t much better back then. I didn’t know how to create a safe space for those tough conversations because I wasn’t great at communicating my feelings either.
Looking back now, it’s clear this pattern came from both of us being emotionally immature in our own ways. We just didn’t know how to express what we were feeling or even recognize what was going on inside us.
Psychologist Brené Brown once said: “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.”
At the time, I didn’t understand how true that was. But now I realize that being emotionally open and vulnerable is essential for a relationship to thrive. Without it, resentment builds, misunderstandings grow, and walls go up.
If you or your partner struggle with this, start small. Practice naming your emotions – out loud or even just to yourself – instead of bottling them up. It might feel uncomfortable at first (trust me, I’ve been there), but over time it can completely transform the way you connect with each other.
3) Make everything about themselves
There was a time in my life when I was guilty of this, and honestly, it’s embarrassing to admit.
I remember being in a relationship where every conversation somehow shifted back to me – my problems, my goals, my frustrations. If my partner was upset about something, I’d try to “relate” by sharing a similar experience I’d had. But looking back, I wasn’t relating at all… I was redirecting the focus onto myself.
At the time, I didn’t realize how selfish it came across. In my mind, I thought I was being helpful or showing empathy. But in reality, I wasn’t giving her the space to feel heard or validated. She eventually told me, “It feels like you don’t even listen – you just wait for your turn to talk.”
That hit me hard.
Emotionally immature people often struggle with this because they’re caught up in their own world. It’s not necessarily out of malice; sometimes it’s just a lack of awareness. But the impact is the same – their partner feels ignored and unimportant.
As Carl Rogers, one of the most influential psychologists of the 20th century, said: “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good.”
And that’s exactly what emotionally immature people fail to do – they don’t truly hear their partner because they’re too preoccupied with themselves.
Breaking this habit wasn’t easy for me. It took time and effort to learn how to actively listen instead of focusing on what I wanted to say next. But once I did, it completely changed the dynamic of not just my romantic relationships but also my friendships.
If this sounds familiar, try slowing down and really listening when your partner speaks – not for how you can respond, but for what they’re actually saying and feeling. It’s a small shift that can make a huge difference.
4) Struggle with emotional regulation
I used to think it was normal to let my emotions run the show. If I was frustrated, I’d snap. If I was upset, I’d shut people out. And if things didn’t go my way, I’d spiral into a sulk that could last for days. Unfortunately, this lack of emotional regulation wreaked havoc on my relationships.
One moment, everything would be fine, and the next, I’d lash out over something small – a forgotten text or a change in plans. My partner never knew what version of me she was going to get, and honestly, neither did I.
At the time, I convinced myself these reactions were just “part of who I am.” But the truth is, they were signs of emotional immaturity.
Research backs up how damaging this can be in relationships. A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that individuals with poor emotional regulation skills are more likely to experience conflict and dissatisfaction in their romantic relationships.
Emotional regulation – the ability to handle emotions in a healthy way – is critical for maintaining connection and trust between partners.
When I started working on this, it wasn’t about suppressing my emotions but learning how to process them without letting them control me.
For example, instead of snapping during an argument, I’d pause and take a few deep breaths to calm down before responding. It sounds small, but it made a world of difference.
If you or your partner struggle with this, know that it’s something you can improve with practice. Start by recognizing your triggers and giving yourself a moment to respond rather than react. Over time, you’ll notice your relationships becoming less volatile and much more harmonious.
5) Avoid difficult conversations
For the longest time, I avoided conflict like the plague. If something was bothering me in a relationship, I’d brush it under the rug and pretend it wasn’t a big deal. I thought I was keeping the peace, but in reality, I was just creating an emotional ticking time bomb.
I remember one particular relationship where this habit caused a lot of damage.
My partner and I had very different expectations about where things were headed, but instead of addressing it early on, I kept quiet. I told myself, “It’s not worth bringing up,” or “I don’t want to upset her.” Meanwhile, resentment quietly built up on both sides – until one day, it all exploded into an argument that could’ve been avoided months earlier.
Emotionally immature people avoid difficult conversations because they’re uncomfortable and require vulnerability. But the truth is, relationships need those honest, sometimes awkward discussions to grow. By avoiding them, you’re not protecting the relationship – you’re slowly chipping away at it.
Psychology supports this idea. A study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that couples who engage in open, constructive communication during conflicts have stronger and more satisfying relationships over time.
Avoidance might feel easier in the short term, but it often leads to unresolved issues and deeper misunderstandings down the line.
What finally helped me change was realizing that discomfort doesn’t last forever – but unresolved issues do. Now, when something feels off in my relationships, I make a conscious effort to bring it up sooner rather than later. It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it.
If you’re someone who avoids hard conversations, start small. Practice expressing how you feel about minor issues before tackling the bigger ones. You might be surprised at how much closer it brings you to your partner – and how much lighter you feel afterward.
6) Rely on their partner for validation
In one of my past relationships, I fell into the trap of constantly seeking validation from my partner.
If she didn’t compliment me on something I was proud of, I’d feel unappreciated. If she wasn’t as affectionate as I wanted her to be, I’d start questioning whether she still cared about me. My sense of self-worth became tied to how much attention or praise I got from her, and it put an enormous strain on our relationship.
Looking back, I realize this wasn’t fair to either of us. By relying on her to make me feel good about myself, I was putting a weight on the relationship that it wasn’t meant to carry. No partner can or should be responsible for filling the emotional gaps we haven’t addressed in ourselves.
Psychologist Albert Ellis, the founder of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), put it perfectly when he said: “Self-esteem is the greatest sickness known to man or woman because it’s conditional.”
When we depend on external validation – especially from a partner – our sense of worth becomes fragile and unstable, and it creates a dynamic where we’re constantly seeking reassurance instead of building internal confidence.
What changed things for me was learning to validate myself rather than looking for it externally. I started focusing on my own goals, celebrating my own wins, and reminding myself that my value isn’t dependent on anyone’s approval. It wasn’t an overnight shift, but over time, it helped me approach relationships with a healthier mindset.
If you’ve noticed this pattern in yourself or your partner, try taking small steps toward independence. For example, practice acknowledging your own accomplishments without waiting for someone else to do it for you. Building self-validation doesn’t just strengthen your relationship – it strengthens you as a person.
7) Give too much, too soon
This one might sound surprising. After all, generosity and giving are often seen as positive traits in a relationship, right?
But here’s the thing: emotionally immature people can take this too far, giving so much of themselves early on that it creates an unhealthy dynamic.
I’ve been there. In one of my earlier relationships, I thought that giving everything – my time, energy, attention, and even sacrificing my own needs – was how I could “prove” my love. I’d cancel plans with friends to be available, say yes to things I wasn’t comfortable with, and pour all my effort into trying to make the relationship perfect.
At first, it felt good to give so much. But over time, I started feeling drained and even resentful because I wasn’t getting the same level of effort in return. And here’s the kicker: my partner never asked me to do any of that. It was all self-imposed.
This behavior is often rooted in insecurity or a fear of abandonment. Emotionally immature people think that by over-giving, they’ll secure the relationship or prove their worth. But instead, it can lead to burnout and create an imbalance where one person becomes overly dependent on the other’s efforts.
As psychotherapist Esther Perel explains: “The balance between giving and taking is what creates trust and mutual respect in a relationship.” Over-giving disrupts this balance and can actually push your partner away instead of bringing them closer.
If this resonates with you, here’s a practical tip: before saying yes to something in your relationship, pause and ask yourself two questions: “Am I doing this out of genuine love or out of fear?” and “Will this leave me feeling energized or drained?”
Learning to set boundaries around your giving isn’t selfish – it’s a sign of emotional maturity and self-respect.
Conclusion: Building emotional maturity starts with awareness
Emotional immaturity can wreak havoc on relationships, but the good news is that it’s something you can work on. The first step is recognizing these behaviors – whether in yourself or your partner – and understanding how they impact the relationship.
From learning to communicate feelings to practicing self-validation and setting healthy boundaries, emotional growth isn’t about perfection, but progress. Start small. Pick one behavior from this list to focus on, and make a conscious effort to improve it.
Remember what psychologist Carl Jung said: *“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”* Awareness gives you the power to change the patterns holding you back.
Healthy, fulfilling relationships are built on emotional maturity – and every step you take toward it not only strengthens your connection with others but also deepens your connection with yourself.
