“Love conquers all.” Sounds beautiful, right?
Well, if you’ve been in a relationship longer than a few months, you’ve likely realized that love alone doesn’t magically solve every problem. Strong relationships need much more than a grand romantic gesture or the fuzzy feelings of infatuation.
I’ve been reflecting on this a lot lately—why do some couples manage to weather every storm, while others fall apart at the first sign of trouble?
What I’ve come to realize is that it’s not some secret sauce hidden away in a dusty old book. It’s a combination of key habits.
Today we explore them.
They focus on emotional intelligence
It’s should come as no surprise the EQ is key when it comes to maintaining a truly strong relationship.
As noted by Amy Morin, an author and psychotherapist, , “This involves being aware of your own emotions, understanding your partner’s feelings, and managing both in a constructive way.”
This might sound like a tall order, but it starts with the simple act of tuning in rather than tuning out. If you can share your excitement, sadness, and frustrations openly—and accept your partner’s in return—you’re building a safe space for honest connection.
They schedule “planned check-ins”
I used to think spontaneous talks were enough to keep a relationship healthy—until I missed a bunch of crucial conversations because both of us were too busy or too tired.
That’s why I was intrigued by marriage and family therapist Spencer Northey’s insight on “planned check-ins.” According to Northey, “Planned check-ins are times when both are mentally prepared to provide each other the space they need to explore, resolve and plan.”
It’s one thing to talk while you’re folding laundry or rushing out the door; it’s another to set aside time specifically for tough conversations or big decisions.
Giving each other undivided attention at these intervals can transform your dynamic—suddenly, you’re not just reacting, you’re proactively addressing issues before they turn into bigger problems.
They keep the positive-to-negative ratio in check
Ever noticed how some couples seem to bounce back from an argument with ease, while others spiral?
That’s where the magic ratio from John Gottman comes in. He found that couples who maintain roughly five positive interactions for every negative one tend to be happier.
It’s not about pretending everything is perfect. Disagreements will happen. It’s about making sure that for every criticism, argument, or frustrating moment, there are plenty of expressions of appreciation, laughter, and acts of kindness to balance it out.
If you find yourselves stuck in a cycle of negativity, try making an effort to inject more positive interactions into your day. Over time, those small moments of joy and connection will likely strengthen your relationship far more than grand romantic gestures ever could.
They maintain their own identity
When I first got into a serious relationship, I thought we had to do everything together, or we weren’t truly in love.
Turns out, though, holding onto your own passions and social circles can actually make you and your relationship stronger. The folks at Erza Counseling capture this perfectly:
“Being independent in a relationship gives each person time to focus on their own needs and helps build self esteem—and is overall good for your mental health.”
Plus, having separate interests means you come back to each other with fresh stories to tell. Nothing kills a relationship vibe more than feeling like you have nothing new to share because your entire day, friend group, and hobby list are completely merged.
They don’t hide things
Honesty isn’t always easy, but it’s essential for a strong relationship. When couples start keeping secrets—whether it’s about finances, feelings, or frustrations—it chips away at trust, often without them realizing it.
Dr. Morin has also touched on this, warning that strong couples don’t hide issues or keep secrets. “They share information freely, even when they know the truth might upset their partner because they’re invested in maintaining trust,” she explained in a Business Insider post.
This doesn’t mean oversharing every fleeting thought, but it does mean being open about the things that matter. Whether it’s admitting a mistake, voicing concerns, or discussing difficult emotions, choosing transparency strengthens the foundation of any relationship.
The bottom line
People might say “love conquers all,” but real experts—and real life—tell a more nuanced story.
Relationships thrive on emotional intelligence, open dialogue, positive interactions, and a deep respect for each other’s independence and needs.
Sure, love is the spark that brings two people together. But the flame that keeps it going strong? That comes from everyday actions and habits, done over and over again.
