For years, my identity revolved around my work. I thrived on recognition—those moments when a project was praised or my name was mentioned in a meeting.
I told myself it was all building toward something bigger, that my time would come if I just kept putting in the hours and proving myself.
But when the promotion I had worked tirelessly for went to someone else, it felt like the air had been sucked out of the room.
At first, I told myself to keep pushing. Work harder, stay later, strategize better. But deep down, I couldn’t shake a nagging question: Was this really what I wanted?
It took months of reflection—and a lot of hard conversations with myself—to admit the truth: I’d let my own dreams collect dust while chasing validation at work.
That realization stung, but it also lit a spark. Now, I’m channeling all that energy into something entirely my own: a side business that feels more personal and fulfilling than anything I’ve done before.
What surprised me most wasn’t just the joy of creating something for myself—it was how much I had to unlearn along the way.
How I started building something for myself
The first step was the hardest: admitting I wanted something different. For so long, I’d convinced myself that climbing the corporate ladder was my only path forward.
But once I allowed myself to imagine a future outside of that box, ideas started flowing.
I dusted off an old notebook where I used to jot down random business ideas. One of them—a small online shop centered around sustainable, handmade products—jumped out at me. It wasn’t perfect, but it felt personal. It felt like me.
I started small. Nights and weekends became my window of opportunity, and I carved out an hour here, two hours there. I researched suppliers, sketched out a simple website, and taught myself basic marketing through YouTube tutorials.
Every little milestone—my first product sample, my first sale—felt like a victory that was truly mine.
It wasn’t easy juggling this with a full-time job. There were late nights and moments of doubt.
But every time I thought about giving up, I reminded myself of how stagnant I’d felt before. This was different—it was invigorating.
In the next section, I want to dive into the belief that so many of us hold about work and success, and why my perspective shifted so drastically.
The lie we tell ourselves about success
For years, I believed the story we’re all fed: that success is a straight line. Work hard, stay loyal, and you’ll be rewarded in time.
Promotions, raises, titles—they’re the markers of progress we’re taught to chase. And if you’re not moving up, then you’re falling behind.
I clung to this belief, even when it started to feel hollow. I told myself that recognition at work was proof of my worth.
But when that long-awaited promotion never came, I realized how little control I actually had in a system built on factors I couldn’t always influence.
What I’ve learned is this: tying your identity and happiness to external validation is a losing game. No matter how much recognition you get, it’s always fleeting.
The only lasting fulfillment comes from creating something that aligns with who you are and what you value—not what someone else decides you’re worth.
In the next section, I’ll share the single most important step I took to break free from this mindset and start building a life—and business—that truly reflects me.
Focusing on what I could control
The turning point for me was shifting my energy from frustration over what I couldn’t control—like promotions or office politics—to the things I could.
That’s when I stopped waiting for permission to feel successful and started creating it for myself.
The first step was getting clear on what really mattered to me. I asked myself: What excites me? What do I want my days to look like?
For me, the answer was building something tangible, something that reflected my values and creativity. Once I had that clarity, the path forward felt less overwhelming.
I broke it down into small, manageable steps. Instead of trying to do everything at once, I focused on small wins: setting up a website, designing my first product, reaching out to a supplier.
Each step built momentum and gave me confidence.
The key was consistency. Even when I felt tired or discouraged, I showed up for myself—whether it was 15 minutes of research or an hour of brainstorming after work.
Those little efforts added up and started to snowball into something real.
If you’re feeling stuck or undervalued, start by asking yourself what you can control in your situation. Focus on one small action today that moves you closer to what you really want.
In the end, the biggest shift isn’t just what you achieve—it’s realizing that success is something you can define and create on your own terms.
Taking a step back to move forward
Looking back, one of the biggest shifts I made wasn’t just starting a side business—it was rethinking how I approached my entire life.
For so long, I had been on autopilot, chasing goals that felt like they were handed to me by someone else. Promotions, accolades, financial stability—they all seemed like the “right” things to want.
But I never stopped to ask if they were what I truly wanted.
When I finally took responsibility for my dissatisfaction—not in a blaming way, but in an empowering way—it changed everything.
I realized that even when things felt out of my control, I still had the ability to decide how I responded. That mindset shift made me feel less stuck and more capable of creating the life I actually wanted.
Here’s what helped me refocus:
- Admitting that something wasn’t working and sitting with that discomfort instead of brushing it aside.
- Recognizing that much of what I thought I “should” do came from societal norms, not my own desires.
- Starting to think more critically about what success looked like for me—not for my boss, my family, or anyone else.
- Taking small, consistent actions toward something that felt meaningful to me, even if it didn’t fit the typical mold of success.
It’s not about blind positivity or pretending everything is fine—it’s about facing your reality head-on and giving yourself permission to dream beyond what you’ve been told is possible.
When you step back and question the narratives you’ve been living by, you gain clarity and purpose.
If you’re feeling stuck or unsure, know this: you have more power than you realize to reshape your path. It starts with small steps and honest reflection—and it builds from there.
