Body language says so much more than words ever could.
I’ve spent hours diving into the subtle signals people give off—especially when they’re feeling unsure of themselves.
It turns out, our insecurities often show up in how we sit. Whether it’s crossing your legs too tightly or slouching just a little too much, these small habits can reveal what’s going on beneath the surface.
In this article, I’ll break down 7 sitting postures that psychology says are classic signs someone is feeling insecure. If you’re curious about understanding people better—or even catching yourself in the act—keep reading.
Let’s get into it.
1) Sitting with arms tightly crossed
This one might seem obvious, but it’s worth mentioning because it’s such a classic sign of insecurity.
When someone sits with their arms tightly crossed over their chest, they’re subconsciously creating a barrier between themselves and the rest of the world. It’s like saying, “I don’t feel safe or comfortable right now.”
Psychologists often view this posture as a defensive move. It can happen when someone feels judged, anxious, or unsure of themselves in a situation.
If you catch yourself doing this, try opening up your posture instead. Uncross your arms and place your hands on your lap or the armrests of your chair. You’d be surprised how much more confident and relaxed you’ll feel just by changing how you sit.
And if you notice someone else sitting this way? It might be a clue that they’re feeling insecure and could use a little extra kindness in the moment.
2) Sitting on the edge of the seat
I’ll never forget a job interview I had years ago when I was at my most anxious. As I waited in the lobby, I found myself perched right on the edge of my seat, knees bouncing and hands fidgeting. I wasn’t just nervous—I was insecure, unsure if I belonged there at all.
Looking back, my posture screamed exactly how I felt. Sitting on the edge of your seat can show insecurity because it’s a position of tension and unease. Instead of being relaxed and grounded, it’s as though you’re ready to bolt at any moment.
My jittery posture probably told the interviewer everything they needed to know about how unsure I felt walking into that room.
What helped me later was practicing grounding techniques before situations like these.
Simple things like planting my feet firmly on the floor and taking deep breaths helped me feel more balanced—and made sure my body language reflected that confidence.
3) Sitting with legs wrapped around the chair
Wrapping your legs around the chair can signal a need for comfort or protection. It’s almost like creating a physical shield when you’re feeling vulnerable or unsure of yourself.
I remember one particular moment: I was at a casual gathering with people I didn’t know very well. Everyone else seemed relaxed and confident, laughing and chatting easily, while I sat there with my legs tightly crossed, wishing I could disappear into the background.
My posture reflected exactly how out of place I felt.
What helped me break this habit was reminding myself that I had just as much right to be there as anyone else. Slowly, I started sitting with my feet on the ground and my body more open—and it actually helped me feel more confident over time.
If you notice someone sitting like this, it’s worth considering that they might be feeling insecure or overwhelmed in the moment. A simple gesture, like including them in the conversation or offering a kind smile, could help them feel more comfortable.
4) Slouching with shoulders hunched forward
For a long time, slouching was my default posture—especially when I wasn’t feeling great about myself. I’d sit with my shoulders hunched forward, head down, and my back curved like I was folding in on myself.
At the time, it felt comfortable, but looking back, it was a physical reflection of how small and insignificant I felt.
Interestingly, research backs up how much our posture can reveal about how we feel internally.
A study published in Health Psychology found that sitting in an upright position can actually help people feel more confident and less stressed, while slouched postures are associated with lower self-esteem and negative moods.
So I started paying attention to how I sat. Even when I felt unsure of myself, I’d practice sitting upright, rolling my shoulders back, and lifting my head slightly.
It felt unnatural at first, but over time, it genuinely made a difference in how I carried myself—and how others responded to me as well.
5) Constantly shifting or fidgeting in the chair
I’ll be honest—this was me all through high school and even into my early 20s. Whenever I was in a situation where I felt out of my depth, I’d find myself constantly fidgeting in my seat. I’d shift from side to side, tap my fingers on the armrest, or play with the hem of my shirt.
At the time, I thought it was just a harmless habit, but now I know it’s a classic sign of insecurity.
Psychologists often associate restless movements like this with nervousness and a lack of confidence. It’s almost like your body is trying to release the tension you’re feeling inside—or distract yourself from the discomfort of the moment.
If you’re prone to this kind of restless sitting, try grounding techniques to steady yourself. Plant your feet firmly on the floor and take slow, deep breaths to calm your nervous energy.
And if you notice someone fidgeting like this? They’re probably not just bored; they might be feeling insecure or overwhelmed. A little patience and understanding can go a long way.
6) Sitting with feet tucked under the body
Sitting with your feet tucked under your body is often linked to a lack of confidence or a need for self-protection. By pulling your body inward, you’re subconsciously creating a smaller footprint—almost as if you’re trying to take up less space in the room.
How we position ourselves can reinforce how we feel inside. When I sat with my feet tucked under me, I was physically reinforcing my feelings of insecurity and hesitation.
What helped me was becoming more aware of this habit and consciously choosing to sit with my feet planted firmly on the ground. It felt strange at first, but over time, it gave me a sense of stability and presence that I hadn’t felt before.
If you notice someone sitting like this, take it as a subtle sign—they might be feeling uneasy or unsure of themselves in the situation. A little encouragement or reassurance could help them feel more comfortable and confident.
7) Sitting too rigidly upright
Here’s one that might surprise you: sitting up perfectly straight, almost stiffly, can actually be a sign of insecurity.
Psychologist Dr. Albert Mehrabian’s research on body language highlights that genuine confidence often comes across as relaxed and open. When we try to force it, like sitting stiffly, it can have the opposite effect and make us seem uneasy or unnatural.
What helped me was learning to find a balance. Confidence doesn’t mean sitting like a statue; it means feeling comfortable in your own skin.
Instead of forcing perfect posture, try this: sit upright but allow your body to relax naturally—roll your shoulders back, let your hands rest gently in your lap or on the armrests, and take slow breaths to release tension.
How to use body language to build confidence
Understanding these sitting postures is a great way to spot insecurity, but the real power comes from using this knowledge to improve your own confidence.
Start small: pay attention to how you sit throughout the day. Are you slouching, fidgeting, or closing yourself off? If so, take a moment to adjust. Plant your feet firmly on the ground, sit upright (but not stiffly), and keep your posture open.
Remember, confidence isn’t just about how you feel—it’s also about what you project.
And if you notice someone else displaying these signs of insecurity? Approach them with kindness. A little warmth and encouragement can go a long way in helping them feel more comfortable and confident.
Body language is powerful—use it to lift yourself and others up.
