It’s a strange phenomenon, isn’t it? Just when things start looking up, we often find a way to trip ourselves up. It’s as if there’s a part of us that’s afraid of success. This self-sabotage happens more often than you’d think and, according to psychology, there are seven common ways we do it.
You see, our brains are wired in certain ways, and sometimes those wires get crossed. We end up doing things that go against our own best interests. We become our own worst enemy.
Now, I’m not saying we do this intentionally. But once you recognize the signs, you can start to change these self-defeating habits. So, let’s delve into these 7 ways people self-sabotage right before things get good, as backed by psychology. Trust me, it’s a game-changer!
1) Fear of success
Isn’t it ironic? We work so hard to achieve our goals, but when we’re on the brink of achieving them, we suddenly freeze. This is often due to what’s known as the fear of success.
The fear of success, believe it or not, is a real psychological phenomenon. We start to worry about what will happen if we actually achieve our goals. Will we be able to handle the pressure? Will people start expecting more from us? And so, we end up sabotaging our own success.
This fear is often linked to our self-esteem. As psychologist Abraham Maslow once said, “We fear to know the fearsome and unsavory aspects of ourselves, but we fear even more to know the godlike in ourselves.”
Our fear of success can manifest in several ways – procrastination, self-doubt, or even picking fights with loved ones. Recognizing this fear is the first step towards overcoming it. So, next time you’re on the verge of something great, remember Maslow’s words and embrace your ‘godlike’ potential.
2) Self-criticism
Let me share something personal. I used to be my own harshest critic. Whether it was a project at work or a personal endeavor, I’d find a way to nitpick my own efforts. This self-criticism was a form of self-sabotage. It was my mind’s way of saying, “You’re not good enough.”
The renowned psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” This quote struck a chord with me. I realized that my self-criticism was preventing me from acknowledging my own achievements and thus, inhibiting growth.
I began to work on accepting myself, flaws and all. And you know what? It worked. As I became kinder to myself, I found that I was less likely to sabotage my own success.
So, if you’re stuck in a cycle of self-criticism, remember Rogers’s words and start practicing self-acceptance. It might just help you break free from your self-defeating habits.
3) Lack of self-care
How often do you put yourself last? In our quest for success, we often neglect our own needs. We skimp on sleep, ignore our health, and push ourselves to the brink of exhaustion. This lack of self-care is a form of self-sabotage.
Psychologist Carl Jung famously said, “Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” It’s a powerful reminder that looking after our own well-being is key to achieving our dreams.
I’ve been there too. Burning the candle at both ends, ignoring the warning signs until it was too late. It took a major health scare to make me realize the importance of self-care.
Neglecting your own needs doesn’t lead to success; it leads to burnout. So if you find yourself sacrificing your well-being for your goals, remember Jung’s words. Look inside, awaken to your needs, and start taking care of yourself. Your success depends on it.
4) Negative self-talk
We all have an internal dialogue, but what happens when that dialogue turns negative? You know, those little voices in our head that say, “You can’t do this”, “You’re not good enough”, or “You’ll never succeed.” This negative self-talk is a form of self-sabotage.
A study found that individuals who engage in negative self-talk are more likely to experience stress and depression, which can hinder success.
In this study, participants were asked to perform a challenging task. Those who engaged in negative self-talk were less likely to complete the task successfully compared to those who encouraged themselves with positive self-talk.
So, next time you catch yourself engaging in negative self-talk, remember this study. Replace those negative words with positive affirmations. It could make all the difference in achieving your goals.
5) Avoidance
There’s a tendency in all of us to avoid the uncomfortable. I know I’ve certainly been guilty of it, dodging difficult conversations or putting off daunting tasks. This avoidance is a form of self-sabotage.
When we avoid what scares us, we limit our own potential for success. It’s only by facing our fears and confronting what we find difficult that we can truly grow and succeed.
So if you find yourself avoiding something, remember May’s words. Find the courage to confront what you’re avoiding. It may be uncomfortable at first, but you’ll be better off for it in the end.
6) Perfectionism
Believe it or not, perfectionism can be a form of self-sabotage. We often think that striving for perfection will lead us to success, but in reality, it can hold us back.
Perfectionism can lead to procrastination, stress, and burnout. It can also prevent us from taking risks and trying new things, both of which are essential for growth and success.
The eminent psychologist Albert Ellis once said, “The art of love is largely the art of persistence.” I believe this applies not only to love but also to our pursuits in life.
It’s not about being perfect; it’s about persisting despite our imperfections. So next time you find yourself striving for perfection, remember Ellis’s words. Embrace your imperfections and keep moving forward. That’s the real path to success.
7) Overthinking
Overthinking can paralyze us. It’s when we get lost in our own thoughts and start second-guessing our decisions. This is a form of self-sabotage.
Renowned psychologist Sigmund Freud once said, “Thinking is an experimental dealing with small quantities of energy, just as a general moves miniature figures over a map before setting his troops in action.”
When we overthink, we’re not moving; we’re stuck playing with miniature figures. So remember Freud’s words next time you find yourself overthinking. Take action, because that’s where real progress happens.
Concluding thoughts
The human mind is a complex thing, isn’t it? It’s fascinating and perplexing how often we stand in our own way of success. These self-sabotaging habits have deep roots in our subconscious and understanding them is the first step to conquering them.
As you reflect on these seven ways of self-sabotage, you might see yourself in one or more of them. That’s okay. Remember, awareness is the first step towards change.
And change we can. We’re not destined to forever be our own worst enemy. With understanding, self-awareness, and a bit of effort, we can rewrite those subconscious scripts that have been holding us back.
So, as you move forward on your journey towards success, keep these insights in mind. Recognize the signs of self-sabotage and take active steps to overcome them. After all, the only person you should be better than is the person you were yesterday.
