Being a people pleaser often stems from a deep desire to be liked, appreciated, or avoid conflict.
While your intentions may be kind-hearted, this behavior can sometimes lead to unnoticed patterns that undermine your own needs and well-being.
You might think you’re just being helpful or considerate, but these habits can signal that you’re prioritizing others at the expense of yourself.
Here are seven things you might not realize you’re doing because you’re a people pleaser at heart:
1) Always saying ‘yes’
Isn’t it hard to say ‘no’? Especially when you’re a natural people pleaser.
You might find yourself constantly agreeing to plans, taking on tasks or making commitments that you don’t necessarily want to, simply because you want to make others happy.
The problem is, this can often lead to feeling overwhelmed and stressed out.
You’re juggling too many balls, simply because you can’t bear the thought of letting someone down.
This is one of those subtle signs of being a people pleaser that you might not be aware of.
It’s high time we acknowledge it, and remember that it’s okay to say ‘no’ sometimes.
2) Apologizing unnecessarily
I remember a time when I would say ‘sorry’ for everything—I didn’t even realize I was doing it.
If someone bumped into me, I’d apologize; if I couldn’t meet up with a friend because I was swamped with work, I’d apologize.
This constant apologizing wasn’t because I was always in the wrong.
It was because, as a people pleaser, I didn’t want any conflict or discomfort.
I felt like by taking the blame, I could keep things smooth and avoid any potential arguments.
But here’s the thing: Unnecessary apologies can diminish your confidence and self-worth.
You don’t have to apologize for existing or for prioritizing your own needs sometimes.
3) Struggling with decision making
When you’re a people pleaser, making decisions can be a real challenge.
You’re always trying to gauge what others would want or prefer, to the point that you can lose touch with your own desires.
Research has shown that people pleasers often struggle with decisions—even simple ones like what to eat for dinner or which movie to watch.
The fear of disappointing or upsetting someone else with their choice can lead to indecisiveness and delay.
Recognizing this tendency is the first step towards regaining your decision-making power.
It’s alright to make choices based on your own preferences and needs.
4) Over-explaining and justifying
You’re a people pleaser, so you want everyone to understand your actions and decisions; you don’t want anyone to feel upset or disappointed, so you go into lengthy explanations or justify your actions, even for the simplest of things.
It could be as plain as explaining why you can’t attend a social gathering or justifying why you chose a particular course of action at work.
The reality is, not everyone needs a detailed explanation for your decisions.
It’s okay to keep things simple without feeling guilty or worried about others’ reactions.
You’re allowed to make choices for yourself without having to present a defense case each time.
5) Avoiding confrontation at all costs
I used to dread any form of confrontation—even the slightest hint of disagreement would send me into a spiral of anxiety.
Rather than expressing my differing opinions or addressing issues directly, I would often choose to stay quiet or bend my own boundaries just to maintain harmony.
It took a toll not just on my emotional well-being but also on my relationships.
But over time, I’ve come to realize that confrontation isn’t always a negative thing.
It can lead to clearer communication, better understanding, and even strengthen relationships.
Being confronted is about learning to express yourself assertively without fearing the reactions of others.
6) Overcompensating in relationships
Because you’re a people pleaser, you might find yourself overcompensating in your relationships.
This can be any relationship—friendships, romantic partnerships, or even professional connections.
You might be the one who always initiates contact, goes the extra mile, or puts in more effort to keep the relationship going.
While it’s good to invest in relationships, it’s important to remember that it should be a two-way street.
If you’re always the one making sacrifices or adjustments, you may need to take a step back.
A balanced relationship is one where both parties contribute equally and respect each other’s needs and boundaries.
7) Neglecting self-care
This is perhaps the most important, yet often overlooked, sign of being a people pleaser.
You’re so busy taking care of everyone else’s needs that you forget about your own; you might be skipping meals, losing sleep, or ignoring your hobbies and passions just to keep up with the demands of others.
This is not just unhealthy, but also unsustainable in the long run.
It’s crucial to realize that taking care of yourself is not selfish—in fact, it’s necessary!
Only when you’re physically and emotionally healthy can you truly be there for others.
Remember to prioritize self-care and set boundaries for your own well-being.
Embracing the journey of self-awareness
Understanding our behavior patterns is a journey, not a destination.
Just like the layers of an onion, each realization peels back another layer, revealing more about our true self.
Being a people pleaser isn’t necessarily a negative trait as it shows you’re empathetic, considerate, and kind.
However, it becomes an issue when it starts affecting your mental health and self-worth.
Realizing these subtle signs is the first step towards a healthier balance—a balance where you continue to care for others, but also give the same importance to your own needs and boundaries.
It’s a journey of self-discovery and self-improvement, so it’s okay to take your time.
Take it one step at a time, and remember to be kind to yourself along the way.
