Navigating human interactions can sometimes feel like a game of hide and seek.
We often find ourselves questioning whether people are being honest with us or just putting up a front.
Psychology, my friends, has some answers.
It offers us subtle social cues to look out for, clues that can reveal if someone’s not being real with you.
In this article, I’ll share seven of these cues with you.
These pointers won’t just help you spot the fakes; they might also help shed light on why people choose to hide their true selves.
Buckle up and get ready to become more perceptive in your day-to-day interactions.
1) Inconsistent body language
Body language is a powerful communicator and often tells more about a person than their actual words.
When someone’s body language doesn’t align with what they’re saying, it’s a clear sign they might not be keeping it real with you.
If someone is telling you how excited they are about an upcoming project but their face looks worried or their shoulders are slumped, that’s your cue.
Their body may be revealing their true feelings, and they might not be as enthusiastic as they claim to be.
Remember, understanding body language is about understanding them better.
2) Over-explaining
Have you ever noticed how some people get into long-winded explanations when they are trying to convince you of something?
That happened to me recently when a friend was trying to explain why he was late.
He gave me a play-by-play account of his entire morning—the detail was so unnecessary that it raised an eyebrow.
Over-explaining or providing too much unnecessary detail is a classic sign that someone might not be being real with you.
3) Frequent shifts in the conversation
Ever been in a conversation where the other person keeps changing the topic, especially when you’re discussing something significant or sensitive?
This could be a social cue that they’re not being entirely real with you.
Continual shifts in conversation might indicate that they’re uncomfortable or trying to avoid something.
Psychologist Dr. Carl Rogers once said, “What is most personal is most universal.”
By this, he meant that the things we often try to hide are the very things that make us human and connect us to others.
If someone’s constantly steering the conversation away from certain topics, they might be hiding their true feelings or thoughts about those issues.
Again, it’s not about pointing fingers but understanding human behavior better.
We’re all just trying to navigate this messy thing called life.
4) Avoiding eye contact
Eye contact can be a significant social cue.
It’s a powerful way we connect and communicate with each other.
When someone consistently avoids eye contact, it could indicate they’re not being completely honest.
People who lie tend to make less eye contact than those who are telling the truth—this could be because maintaining eye contact while lying requires more cognitive effort.
But remember, cultural norms and individual comfort levels can also influence eye contact.
While it’s a useful cue to consider, it should be considered alongside other signals and within context—it’s all about understanding, not accusing.
5) Defensive behavior
Have you ever raised a simple question or issue, only to be met with an overly defensive reaction?
This happened to me recently at work, and it took me by surprise.
Defensiveness can be a sign that someone isn’t being entirely forthcoming.
People often become defensive when they feel threatened or are hiding something.
Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, believed that defensiveness is a mechanism our ego uses to protect us from uncomfortable truths.
If you notice someone frequently getting defensive, especially over minor issues, they might not be showing their true selves.
Again, understanding this should lead to compassion, not confrontation.
Everybody has their reasons for hiding, and it’s not always because they want to deceive.
6) Overly agreeable
Contrary to popular belief, someone who agrees with everything you say isn’t always your biggest fan.
Sometimes, being overly agreeable can be a sign that someone isn’t being genuine.
People tend to agree with those they like because they want to be liked in return.
When you encounter someone who never disagrees, challenges or questions your opinions, they might be withholding their true thoughts for the sake of harmony or acceptance.
Remember, authentic relationships thrive on healthy disagreements.
Don’t shy away from people who challenge you; they might be the ones being most real with you.
7) Inconsistent stories
Consistency is key to honesty.
When someone’s stories keep changing, it can be a sign they’re not being real with you.
Inconsistent stories can quickly drain that trust bucket.
Keep an ear out for inconsistencies but, remember, everyone makes mistakes, and confusion isn’t always deceit.
Make sure to use your judgement wisely.
Final reflections
Understanding human behavior is a fascinating journey.
We’ve explored seven social cues that might indicate someone’s not being completely real with you.
But remember, these are just pointers, not definitive judgments.
We all have our reasons for hiding parts of ourselves, and more often than not, it’s born out of self-protection rather than deceit.
Empathy and understanding should be our guiding principles when we notice these cues in others.
After all, we’re all just trying to navigate this complex world as authentically as we can.
The next time you engage in a conversation, take a moment to observe these cues—but don’t forget to reflect on your own behavior too: Are you being real with others, or are you hiding behind social masks?
The journey of understanding others often begins with understanding ourselves.
