There’s a vast divide between saying something clever and saying something smart.
Speaking smart isn’t about sounding intellectual or using big words, it’s about understanding the impact of our words on others.
A genuinely intelligent person knows that some phrases can be unintentionally damaging or offensive.
According to psychology, there are seven phrases that an authentically wise person would never use in conversation.
Why? Because these phrases can have negative implications, even if they’re not intended to.
Let’s dive into this topic, and explore the seven phrases you might want to strike from your everyday conversations.
1) “I told you so…”
The phrase “I told you so” is a classic example of what a genuinely intelligent person would steer clear of in conversation.
Why? Because there’s nothing constructive about it.
It is not about helping someone learn from their mistakes, it’s about asserting dominance and making the other person feel inferior.
It’s a phrase that serves to boost the speaker’s ego, rather than foster understanding or empathy.
Author John C. Maxwell once said, “The purpose of life is not to win. The purpose of life is to grow and to share.”
This quote embodies why a truly intelligent person would abstain from using such a phrase.
Rather than saying “I told you so”, why not offer guidance or a different perspective? It’s about building bridges, not walls, in our conversations.
2) “That’s stupid…”
I remember once when someone shared an idea with me that I didn’t think much of.
Yet, dismissing someone else’s thoughts or ideas as “stupid” is not only disrespectful, but it also closes the door to any further discussion or understanding.
A genuinely intelligent person would never resort to such dismissive language.
Instead, they would foster an environment where ideas can be discussed and debated openly.
The famed psychologist, Carl Jung, once said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding about ourselves.”
This reminds us that when we find something ‘stupid’, it might be worth digging deeper to understand why we feel that way, rather than simply dismissing it outright.
3) “You always…” or “You never…”
Have you ever been on the receiving end of a statement starting with “You always…” or “You never…”? It feels like an assault, doesn’t it?
These phrases are often used in heated discussions and they rarely lead to constructive outcomes.
They box people into a corner, making broad generalizations about their behavior and leaving no room for nuance or change.
A genuinely intelligent person recognizes the danger of these phrases.
They know that using such absolute language can escalate conflict and hinder resolution.
Intelligent people persist in their efforts to communicate effectively and respectfully, even when the going gets tough.
Instead of resorting to these absolute terms, they express their feelings openly and honestly, paving the way for understanding and resolution.
4) “It’s not fair…”
We’ve all been there, feeling that life has dealt us an unfair hand.
However, using the phrase “It’s not fair” in conversation can convey a sense of entitlement or victimhood, which is not the hallmark of an intelligent person.
Intelligent people understand that life is often unfair.
They also understand the importance of taking responsibility for their actions and their circumstances, rather than blaming external factors.
People who tend to blame others for their misfortunes often struggle with low self-esteem and a lack of personal control.
On the other hand, those who accept responsibility for their actions and circumstances are more likely to have higher self-esteem and a stronger sense of personal control.
Ditch the “It’s not fair” from your vocabulary and replace it with constructive and proactive phrases that reflect your willingness to take responsibility and find solutions.
5) “It’s not my job…”
I remember back in my early career days when I was asked to take on a task outside my predefined role.
My first thought was, “It’s not my job”.
But then I realized that saying so would reflect a lack of initiative and adaptability.
An intelligent person understands that the phrase “It’s not my job” can be detrimental to both personal growth and team dynamics.
They know that stepping out of their comfort zone and taking on new challenges is an opportunity for growth.
Truly intelligent people are not afraid to step forward, take on new tasks, and grow from the experience.
6) “I know that…”
You might think that saying “I know that” is a simple affirmation of knowledge, but it can actually close us off to learning and growth.
An intelligent person understands the power of maintaining a beginner’s mind.
They’re aware that knowledge is infinite and there’s always room to learn more.
Saying “I know that” can shut down the opportunity to gain a different perspective or new information.
The next time you’re tempted to say “I know that,” try replacing it with “Let’s see what more there is to learn on this.”
7) “This is how we’ve always done it…”
This phrase is a creativity and innovation killer.
Intelligent people understand that progress requires change and adaptation.
As psychologist B.F. Skinner said, “A failure is not always a mistake, it may simply be the best one can do under the circumstances. The real mistake is to stop trying.”
Don’t cling to the past—embrace change and innovation.
Wrapping up
The complex tapestry of human communication is woven with words, expressions, and silence.
Each phrase we choose to use, or not to use, can reveal our intelligence, empathy, and understanding.
The decision to avoid certain phrases isn’t about hiding our thoughts or filtering our words excessively.
It’s about recognizing the power of language and using it to build bridges rather than walls.
As we navigate through our conversations, let’s remember that intelligence is also about what we choose not to say.
The true measure of intelligence isn’t just about knowledge, it’s also about understanding.
