Ah, the classic mantra of “Don’t make a scene.”
If you were raised with this as a guiding principle, there’s a good chance you’ve internalized certain phrases without even realizing it.
The problem with this philosophy is that it often leads to suppressing feelings or opinions to avoid “rocking the boat.”
Now, I’m not advocating for wild emotional outbursts at every turn.
But what about expression? What about asserting your needs and boundaries?
In trying to always maintain harmony, you might be overusing certain phrases that actually diminish your voice.
Let’s delve into these seven phrases that you may be guilty of using too often.
And remember: It’s okay to make a little ripple in the water sometimes.
1) “It’s fine.”
This phrase is a classic for those of us who were brought up to never “make a scene”.
It’s often our go-to response when we’re actually not fine with a situation, but we don’t want to stir up any trouble or discomfort.
The problem with this phrase is that it can easily become a crutch.
Instead of expressing our true feelings or discomfort, we dismiss them with a quick “It’s fine.”
Sure, there are times when “It’s fine” is the right response.
But if you find yourself using it as a default, even when you’re definitely not fine, then it might be time to reassess.
Remember, it’s okay to express your feelings and needs.
You’re not making a scene; you’re simply standing up for yourself in a healthy and necessary way.
Being honest about your emotions doesn’t make you disruptive or difficult—rather, it makes you human.
2) “No worries, I can do it.”
This is a phrase I’ve personally found myself using a lot.
Growing up, I was taught to keep the peace, to never make a scene.
Over time, this evolved into taking on more than my share of responsibilities.
One particular instance comes to mind: At a family gathering, everyone was busy with their own tasks while I was stuck in the kitchen taking care of most of the cooking.
When asked if I needed help, my automatic response was, “No worries, I can do it.”
But the truth? I was feeling overwhelmed.
Constantly saying you can handle things, even when you’re swamped or stressed, is often an attempt to avoid causing inconvenience or discomfort to others.
It’s crucial to remember that it’s okay to ask for help, and that it’s okay to share responsibilities.
You’re not making a scene by expressing your needs; you’re just being fair to yourself.
3) “I don’t mind.”
“I don’t mind” is a phrase that’s often overused by those who try to avoid creating a scene.
This phrase is typically used when we’re trying to be accommodating, even when it goes against our personal preferences or needs.
Yet, constantly suppressing our own desires and prioritizing others can lead to resentment and even burnout over time.
The next time you’re about to say “I don’t mind”, pause and consider what you truly want.
4) “Whatever you want.”
“Whatever you want” is another phrase that those who were raised to not “make a scene” might overuse.
We use it in an attempt to keep things smooth and conflict-free, often at the expense of our own wants and needs.
The danger in this phrase lies in its potential to dismiss our own preferences.
Consistently saying “whatever you want” can lead to a pattern where our desires and opinions are consistently overlooked or disregarded.
It’s important to remember that your voice matters; your opinions are valid and your wants and needs are significant.
Offering up “whatever you want” isn’t always the peaceful solution it seems to be.
Sometimes, it’s more about silencing ourselves than about promoting harmony.
5) “Sorry to bother you.”
There was a time when “Sorry to bother you” was my catchphrase.
I found myself using it all the time, even when I was seeking help for something that was completely within my right to ask for; I remember one instance at work where I had a crucial question that needed an immediate answer.
Instead of directly asking my manager, I started the conversation with, “Sorry to bother you, but…”
This made me feel like I was imposing when, in fact, it was part of my manager’s role to provide guidance.
Using this phrase excessively can make us feel like our concerns or needs are a burden to others.
It’s crucial to understand that asking for help or clarification is not a bother; it’s a part of life and healthy relationships.
We don’t always have all the answers, and that’s perfectly okay.
6) “I’ll just go with the flow.”
“I’ll just go with the flow” is a phrase often used by those who want to avoid causing a scene.
It signifies adaptability and flexibility, which are indeed valuable traits.
However, if it’s overused, it may mean that we’re not asserting our own desires and preferences.
The overuse of this phrase can lead to a pattern where we’re always following others’ lead and never taking charge or expressing our own choices.
It’s important to remember that it’s okay to “go against the flow” sometimes; it’s okay to have your own direction and make decisions that are best for you.
7) “I don’t want to be a burden.”
The phrase, “I don’t want to be a burden” is perhaps the most poignant phrase on this list.
Often, those who were raised to never “make a scene” have internalized the belief that their needs and feelings are an inconvenience to others.
But here’s the truth: Expressing your needs and feelings does not make you a burden.
It makes you human; it’s okay to need help, to express your emotions, and to take up space.
You are not a burden for having human needs and emotions.
Embracing the power of “I”
The interplay between language and self-perception is deeply interwoven; the phrases we frequently use can subtly shape how we view ourselves and how we interact with the world around us.
For those raised to never “make a scene,” these seven phrases may have become a part of your regular vocabulary.
They might even feel like a safety net, protecting you from potential conflict or discomfort.
Remember: It’s okay to say “I feel,” “I want,” or “I need.”
These statements are not disruptions; they are affirmations of your emotions, wants, and needs—they validate your individuality and humanity.
The journey towards asserting yourself might feel uncomfortable at first, but that’s okay.
It’s all part of the process!
