Being a parent doesn’t stop once your kids turn 18, and neither does their need for guidance.
But the way we communicate with our adult children needs a shift.
No more parental orders or instructions; it’s time for respect, admiration, and understanding.
If you’re wondering why your grown-up kids seem distant or dismissive, it’s probably due to certain behaviors you’ve held onto from their childhood.
It’s tough to admit, but changing these could transform your relationship.
In the following article, I’ll be sharing seven difficult behaviors you need to bid farewell to if you want your adult children to respect and admire you.
It’s about acknowledging their adulthood while maintaining your role as a parent—just in a more evolved, respectful manner.
Ready for some self-reflection? Let’s start this journey together:
1) Stop infantilizing
One of the quickest ways to lose the respect of your adult children is to treat them as if they’re still in diapers.
Infantilizing, or treating someone as if they are much younger than they actually are, can be a challenging habit to break—especially when it comes from a place of love and concern.
Our children grow up, but sometimes, our perception of them doesn’t.
We continue to see them as our little kids who need protection and guidance at every turn.
But remember, they’re adults now—with their own experiences, wisdom, and capabilities.
This shift in perspective allows them to feel valued and respected as individuals.
It’s about acknowledging their growth, listening more than advising, and trusting that they can handle their affairs; it doesn’t mean you can’t lend a helping hand or share your wisdom but do it in a way that empowers rather than belittles.
The next time you find yourself stepping in to solve problems your adult child is capable of handling, take a step back.
You’ll be surprised at what they can accomplish when given the space—you might just see a fresh wave of respect headed your way.
2) Ditch the constant criticism
Growing up, I was constantly striving for perfection, mostly to please my parents.
They had high expectations and were quick to point out where I fell short.
Even as an adult, every conversation seemed to involve some form of critique.
It wasn’t until I had kids of my own that I realized the impact constant criticism can have.
Criticism, when constructive, can lead to growth.
But when it’s a regular part of conversations, it can create a negative environment and strain relationships.
As parents, we may think we’re helping our children by pointing out their flaws or mistakes.
However, the reality is: It often does more harm than good.
Now, as a parent myself, I strive to balance constructive feedback with praise and encouragement.
I’ve noticed that my relationship with my adult children is healthier and stronger because they don’t feel like they’re constantly under scrutiny.
They respect me more because they feel respected in return.
If you find yourself constantly critiquing your adult child’s decisions or lifestyle, pause and consider the impact of your words.
Try to offer more encouragement and praise instead—it’s a small change that can make a big difference in your relationship.
3) Give up the ‘always right’ attitude
Have you ever heard of the term “myside bias”?
It’s a cognitive bias that makes us favor arguments that support our own beliefs and dismiss those that don’t.
This can be particularly prevalent in parent-adult child relationships, where years of experience can often be equated to always being right.
But here’s the deal: Just because you’re the parent doesn’t mean you’re always right and insisting you are can create a wall between you and your adult children, who have their own experiences and perspectives to bring to the table.
Adopting a more open-minded approach encourages dialogue, mutual respect, and understanding.
It shows your adult children that you value their opinions and thoughts, even if they differ from yours.
The next time you find yourself in a discussion with your adult child, resist the urge to play the ‘experience card’.
Instead, listen to their side and consider their viewpoint.
You might learn something new, and they’ll certainly appreciate your respect for their perspective.
4) Let go of the guilt trips
We’ve all been there: Using guilt as a tool to get our kids to behave or make certain choices but, as they grow into adults, this form of emotional manipulation can harm your relationship and breed resentment.
Guilt trips, even those with good intentions, can make your adult children feel pressured and obligated.
This can lead to them feeling stressed, anxious, and even rebellious.
Instead, aim for open and honest communication.
Express your feelings without placing blame or making them feel guilty.
This shows respect for their autonomy and fosters a healthier relationship based on understanding and mutual respect.
Choosing understanding and patient communication will not only earn you respect but also strengthen your bond with your adult children.
5) Stop trying to live vicariously
When my eldest son decided to pursue a career in arts, I was taken aback.
As a lawyer, I had always imagined him following in my footsteps.
I was disappointed and tried to steer him towards law instead.
It wasn’t until I saw his passion for art and how unhappy my interference made him that I realized I was trying to live vicariously through him.
Living vicariously through your children, even when they’re adults, can strain your relationship.
It’s important to remember that they have their own passions, dreams, and ambitions that might not align with yours.
Allowing them to make their own choices and supporting those choices is crucial for gaining their respect.
It shows them that you value their individuality and trust their judgment.
Take a step back and remember that they have their own paths to follow—support them in their journey, even if it’s different from what you imagined for them.
6) Abandon the comparison game
Comparing your child to others can be damaging at any age, but it’s especially hurtful when they’re adults trying to navigate their own life paths.
Whether it’s comparisons with siblings, peers, or even your own accomplishments at their age, it’s a habit that can undermine their self-esteem and breed resentment.
Everyone has their own pace and journey in life.
Comparisons not only diminish their unique achievements but also create unnecessary competition and strain relationships.
Instead, celebrate their individual accomplishments and progress.
Show them that you respect their journey and are proud of them regardless of how it measures up to others.
Focus on acknowledging their individual achievements and you’ll foster a relationship of mutual respect and admiration.
7) Say goodbye to invasiveness
Respecting your adult children’s boundaries is non-negotiable.
While it’s natural to want to be involved in their lives, there’s a line between showing interest and being overly nosy or intrusive.
Invasiveness can make them feel like you don’t trust them to make their own decisions or respect their personal space.
It can lead to tension and create a wedge in your relationship.
The key is to maintain a healthy balance—show interest in their lives, but also respect their need for privacy.
This shows that you value their independence and trust their ability to manage their own lives.
Remember, the goal is not just about respect, but also about fostering a relationship of mutual trust, admiration, and love.
Respecting boundaries is a crucial part of that journey.
Make the commitment to be less intrusive and more respectful of their personal space—it’s the best gift you can give your adult children.
Final thoughts: It’s about evolution
The complexities of parent-adult child relationships are deeply intertwined with our growth as individuals and as a family unit.
One key takeaway from navigating this dynamic is the concept of evolution.
Just as our children grow and evolve, our parenting approach needs to do the same.
Each interaction with your adult child is an opportunity for growth—for them and for you.
Embrace this evolution and remember, the goal isn’t just to gain their respect and admiration, but to foster a deeper understanding and a stronger bond.
