If you find yourself feeling overlooked, chances are you’re a people-pleaser; if your heart sinks when you’re taken for granted, it’s time to listen up.
Understanding the human psyche, we’ve all got our quirks.
Mine? I’m a born people-pleaser.
I’ve always wanted everyone around me to be happy, even if it meant putting my own needs last.
But as I’ve come to learn, this kind of self-sacrifice doesn’t always get the appreciation it deserves.
Instead, it often leads to feeling undervalued and taken for granted.
Here’s the deal: If you’re a fellow people-pleaser who’s tired of feeling overlooked, let’s make a pact.
Let’s say goodbye to these eight behaviors that are doing us more harm than good.
It’s time to put ourselves first for a change—are you with me?
1) Saying “yes” when you mean “no”
We’ve all been there: Someone asks us for a favor, and even though we’re overwhelmed with our own tasks, we find ourselves nodding.
Why? Because we don’t want to disappoint, to seem unkind or unhelpful.
But here’s the thing: Continuously agreeing to things you don’t want to do isn’t being kind, it’s self-sacrifice—even worse, it sets a precedent.
People start expecting you to always say “yes,” taking your generosity for granted.
The solution is simple, but not always easy: Learn to say “no.”
Believe me, it’s liberating—it might feel a bit uncomfortable at first, but with time, it’ll become second nature.
Your time and well-being are valuable, so don’t let them be taken for granted just to please others.
2) Over-apologizing
I used to apologize for everything.
If someone bumped into me, I’d say sorry; if I didn’t answer a text right away, I’d start my reply with an apology.
Heck, I even apologized for apologizing too much!
One day, a friend of mine pointed out this habit and she asked me why I was always taking the blame for things that weren’t my fault.
That made me think: Was my constant apologizing a sign of being overly considerate or just a reflection of my lack of self-esteem?
Turns out, it was the latter.
I realized I was diminishing myself and allowing others to undervalue me.
If you find yourself constantly saying “I’m sorry”, stop and ask: “What am I apologizing for?”
Often, you’ll find you have nothing to be sorry about!
3) Avoiding confrontation
Avoiding confrontation might seem like the peaceful route, but in reality, it often leads to more harm than good.
Think of it this way: When you avoid conflict, you’re essentially sweeping issues under the rug.
Sure, the room looks clean for now, but eventually, that bump under the rug will become so big that you’ll trip over it.
People who avoid confrontation are more likely to feel unsatisfied in their relationships.
This dissatisfaction stems from unaddressed issues that pile up over time.
Instead of turning a blind eye to problems, confront them head on.
It might be challenging at first, but open communication is key to feeling valued and understood.
4) Constantly seeking validation
We all want to be liked and appreciated—it’s a basic human need—but when you start relying on others for validation, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.
People-pleasers often fall into the trap of measuring their worth based on other people’s opinions.
But let me tell you: That’s a slippery slope as it leaves you vulnerable to manipulation and feeling undervalued.
So, how about this? Start seeking validation from within.
Celebrate your achievements—no matter how small—acknowledge your worth, and don’t let others dictate your self-esteem.
Your worth is not defined by how much you please others but by how you value yourself.
5) Neglecting self-care
I’ll admit, I’ve been guilty of this one.
In my quest to keep everyone else content, I often found myself neglecting my own needs—I’d skip meals, lose sleep, and ignore my own stress levels.
It was as if my own well-being took a backseat while I was busy driving everyone else’s happiness.
However, self-care isn’t selfish—if anything, it’s essential.
You can’t pour from an empty cup, right? Now, I make it a point to prioritize my needs.
Whether it’s taking a short break to read a book, going for a jog, or simply saying no when I’m overwhelmed, I ensure that I’m taking care of myself.
Trust me, once you start treating yourself with the care and respect you deserve, you’ll find others will begin to value you more too.
6) Being overly flexible
You might think that being adaptable and always ready to adjust your plans for others is a good thing.
But here’s the catch: There’s a fine line between being flexible and being a pushover.
When you’re constantly bending over backwards to accommodate others, you risk losing your own identity and sense of self-worth.
It’s important to stand your ground sometimes—have your own opinions, stick to your plans, and don’t let others sway you easily.
While it’s great to be considerate of others’ needs, don’t forget about your own.
After all, a tree that bends too much with the wind often ends up broken.
7) Ignoring your gut feelings
Ever had a gut feeling that something’s off, but you ignored it to avoid upsetting someone? I’m sure many of us have.
Your intuition is a powerful tool because it’s your subconscious mind picking up on patterns and signals that your conscious mind might miss.
When something doesn’t feel right, listen to that feeling.
Don’t brush it aside just to keep the peace or to please someone else.
Your feelings and instincts matter too, so don’t let them be drowned out by the noise of trying to keep everyone else happy.
8) Forgetting your own worth
At the root of all people-pleasing behaviors is a forgotten sense of self-worth.
Often, we please others because we’re seeking external validation, overlooking the fact that our worth isn’t determined by others’ approval.
You are valuable, regardless of how much you do for others.
Moreover, your worth isn’t measured by the number of favors you do, the sacrifices you make, or the amount of appreciation you receive.
Never forget that you are enough—just as you are!
Embrace your authentic self
Let’s face it, saying goodbye to people-pleasing behaviors can seem daunting.
Change is always a bit scary, but this journey is about becoming more of who you really are.
As the renowned psychologist and author Dr.Brené Brown once said: “Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.”
If you often feel taken for granted, I hope these points serve as a stepping stone towards embracing your authentic self.
At the end of the day, you don’t have to set yourself on fire to keep others warm—you are enough, as you are, without pleasing anyone else.
Every step towards authenticity is a step towards self-discovery and growth.
