We all want to feel seen, heard, and valued. That’s just human nature.
But there’s a big difference between genuine connection and simply seeking validation. Some people don’t actually want a deep, meaningful conversation—they just want reassurance, approval, or admiration.
And you can often tell by what they keep bringing up.
If someone repeatedly steers the conversation toward certain topics, it’s usually not about getting to know you or sharing something real. Instead, it’s a subtle (or not-so-subtle) way of fishing for validation.
Here are eight topics that people frequently use when they’re looking for validation—not connection.
1) They constantly talk about their achievements
Success is great. We all have things we’re proud of, and there’s nothing wrong with sharing them.
But if someone keeps bringing up their accomplishments—whether it’s their job, their wealth, or their latest big win—it’s usually not just casual conversation. They’re looking for admiration.
They want to hear, “Wow, that’s amazing!” or “You’re so impressive!” because that external validation boosts their self-worth.
Genuine connection isn’t about proving yourself. It’s about sharing, listening, and understanding each other.
But when someone constantly steers the conversation toward their own achievements, they’re more interested in being praised than in truly connecting.
2) They always mention how busy they are
I once had a friend who, no matter what we were talking about, always found a way to mention how insanely busy they were.
At first, I thought they were just venting—life gets hectic for all of us. But after a while, I realized it wasn’t just an occasional complaint.
It was constant. Every conversation led back to how packed their schedule was, how little sleep they got, and how important their responsibilities were.
Eventually, I understood what was really happening: they weren’t just sharing—they were looking for validation.
They wanted to hear, “Wow, you work so hard!” or “I don’t know how you do it!” because that reinforced their sense of worth.
Of course, being busy is real. But when someone brings it up over and over again, it’s often less about connection and more about seeking recognition.
3) They frequently talk about how much other people like them
Some people can’t stop mentioning how well-liked they are. They’ll casually drop into conversation how many friends they have, how much their coworkers appreciate them, or how often people compliment them.
But here’s the thing—people who truly feel secure in their relationships don’t need to keep proving it.
In fact, studies have shown that those who constantly seek external validation often struggle with self-esteem, relying on others’ approval to feel good about themselves.
So when someone keeps bringing up how admired they are, it’s usually not about sharing joy—it’s about seeking reassurance. They want confirmation that they’re valued, and they’re hoping you’ll give it to them.
4) They always bring up their personal struggles
We all go through tough times, and talking about our struggles can be an important part of processing emotions and finding support.
But there’s a difference between opening up for connection and repeatedly bringing up hardships to seek sympathy.
Some people constantly remind others of their difficulties—not because they’re looking for understanding, but because they crave validation.
They want to hear, “You’re so strong,” or “I don’t know how you do it.” The focus isn’t on mutual support—it’s on receiving praise for enduring their struggles.
True emotional connection allows for vulnerability, but it also goes both ways.
If someone only talks about their hardships without showing interest in yours, they might not be looking for a real bond—they just want reassurance.
5) They constantly mention their expensive purchases
I’ve met people who can’t go a single conversation without bringing up something expensive they bought.
Whether it’s their designer clothes, luxury car, or the high-end restaurant they just went to, they always find a way to slip it in.
At first, I used to think, “Okay, maybe they’re just excited about it.”
But after hearing it over and over again, I realized it wasn’t about sharing—it was about seeking validation. They wanted people to admire their lifestyle, to see them as successful or impressive.
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying nice things. But when someone keeps bringing up their expensive purchases, it’s usually not about connection—it’s about proving something.
6) They often talk about how humble they are
You’d think that someone who’s truly humble wouldn’t feel the need to bring it up—but some people make sure you know just how modest they are.
They’ll say things like, “I never brag about my achievements,” or, “I don’t care about status or material things,” while somehow making it clear that they still want recognition for it.
Ironically, the more someone talks about their humility, the less it seems genuine. Instead of simply living their values, they’re looking for validation—wanting others to see them as down-to-earth and admirable.
True humility doesn’t need an announcement.
7) They keep bringing up their drama with others
Some people always seem to have a conflict going on—and they make sure to tell you all about it.
Whether it’s a falling out with a friend, an issue at work, or family drama, they constantly bring up how they’ve been treated unfairly.
At first, it might seem like they’re just venting. But if every conversation turns into a story about how they were wronged, chances are they’re not looking for advice or connection—they’re looking for validation.
They want to hear, “You’re absolutely right,” or “I can’t believe they treated you that way!” because it reinforces their sense of being the victim (or the hero) in every situation.
Of course, we all need to talk through conflicts sometimes. But if someone never takes responsibility and always paints themselves as the innocent party, their goal might not be understanding—it’s reassurance.
8) They always highlight how much they “don’t care”
Some people go out of their way to tell you how little they care—about other people’s opinions, about drama, about success, or even about relationships.
They’ll say things like, “I couldn’t care less what anyone thinks of me,” or, “I’m just not the type to get attached.”
But here’s the truth: if someone really doesn’t care, they don’t feel the need to announce it.
Constantly bringing it up is often a way of fishing for reassurance, hoping someone will either admire their indifference or contradict them by saying, “Of course people care about you.”
The strongest confidence is quiet. When someone repeatedly claims they don’t care, it usually means they do.
Why real connection never needs validation
Wanting validation is natural—we all seek it in some way. But when validation becomes the main goal of a conversation, real connection gets lost.
Because true connection isn’t about proving anything. It’s not about being admired, reassured, or praised. It’s about understanding and being understood, without the need for constant confirmation.
Psychologists have found that people who rely too much on external validation often struggle with self-worth.
The more they seek approval from others, the less secure they feel within themselves. And ironically, this can push people away rather than bring them closer.
The best conversations—the ones that leave you feeling truly connected—aren’t about impressing or proving anything. They’re about listening, sharing, and just being. That’s where genuine relationships are built.
