An apology can heal wounds. It can bring closure, mend relationships, and offer validation.
But what happens when the apology you’re waiting for never comes?
For years, I held onto the hope that one day, I’d hear the words I needed—an acknowledgment of the hurt, a sign that they understood what they had done. But that day never arrived.
And eventually, I realized I had a choice: stay trapped in resentment or find a way to move on without it.
Letting go wasn’t easy, but it was necessary. Here’s how I stopped waiting, found my own closure, and finally freed myself from the weight of an apology that was never going to come.
1) Acceptance comes before closure
At first, I told myself I couldn’t move on until I got an apology. I thought that if they just admitted their wrongdoing, everything would finally make sense, and I’d be able to let go.
But that moment never came. And the longer I waited, the more I realized something important—closure isn’t something someone else gives you. It’s something you create for yo`urself.
I had to accept that I might never get the apology I wanted. And once I did, I finally started to feel free.
2) Rewriting the story helped me heal
For a long time, I replayed the situation over and over in my head, always framing myself as the victim and them as the villain. It was the only way I could make sense of what happened.
But one day, I asked myself: What if I looked at this differently?
Instead of focusing on how unfair it was, I tried to see them as a flawed person who might never be capable of giving me what I needed. Maybe they didn’t fully understand the harm they caused. Maybe they weren’t ready to take responsibility.
That didn’t excuse their actions, but it did shift something in me. I stopped waiting for them to fix the past and started focusing on how I could move forward.
3) Forgiveness doesn’t require an apology
Most people think forgiveness is something you give to someone after they’ve apologized.
But in reality, forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person—it’s about freeing yourself from the weight of resentment.
Holding onto anger and hurt keeps your mind trapped in the past, reliving the same pain over and over.
Studies have shown that letting go of grudges can actually reduce stress, improve mental health, and even lower blood pressure. It’s not about saying what they did was okay; it’s about deciding that their actions no longer have power over you.
I didn’t need their apology to move forward—I just needed to release myself from the expectation of ever getting one.
4) Distance brought me clarity
When I was stuck in the cycle of waiting for an apology, I couldn’t see things clearly.
Every interaction, every memory, every thought was tied to my frustration and disappointment.
But when I created distance—both physically and emotionally—I started to see things differently. I stopped obsessing over what they should have done and started focusing on what I needed to do for myself.
Stepping back gave me perspective. It helped me realize that my healing wasn’t dependent on their words or actions—it was entirely in my hands.
5) I focused on what I could control
I couldn’t make them apologize. I couldn’t change the past.
And no matter how much I wanted things to be different, I had to accept that some things were simply out of my control.
My own healing. My own peace. How much space I allowed this person to take up in my mind.
So, I shifted my focus. Instead of waiting for something outside of me to bring closure, I started doing things that made me feel lighter—journaling, talking to people who understood, and reminding myself that moving on was my choice, not theirs.
6) I stopped trying to “let it go”
For the longest time, people told me to just let it go. Move on. Stop thinking about it.
But the more I tried to force myself to let go, the more stuck I felt.
So instead, I did the opposite—I let myself feel everything. I sat with the anger, the sadness, the disappointment. I acknowledged that what happened did hurt me, and that my feelings were valid.
And strangely enough, once I stopped fighting my emotions and actually processed them, they started losing their grip on me.
Letting go didn’t come from pushing my feelings away—it came from finally facing them.
7) Closure came from within, not from them
For the longest time, I thought closure had to come from the person who hurt me. I believed that without their apology, I’d always feel stuck in the past.
But what I learned is that closure isn’t a single moment—it’s a decision. It’s choosing to stop waiting for something that may never happen. It’s realizing that I don’t need their permission to move forward.
The truth is, I gave myself the closure I was searching for. And in the end, that was far more powerful than any apology ever could have been.
8) Healing doesn’t depend on them
No apology, no explanation, and no amount of regret from someone else can heal you. Healing is an inside job.
I had to stop waiting for them to take responsibility and start taking responsibility for my own peace. I had to choose to move forward, even without the closure I thought I needed.
At the end of the day, my healing was never in their hands—it was always in mine.
Finding peace without an apology
If you’ve read this far, I hope you know now that waiting for an apology that may never come only keeps you stuck in the past.
Because closure isn’t about hearing the right words from someone else—it’s about deciding that you don’t need them to move forward.
Psychologists often say that healing is a choice, not a moment. And the truth is, the moment I stopped looking for validation from someone who hurt me was the moment I finally felt free.
Not because they made things right, but because I did.
