There’s a fine line between seeming nice and actually being nice.
Men can often say all the right things, make us laugh, and even charm us with their gentlemanly manners. But that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re genuinely nice.
Looking beyond words and focusing on actions can reveal if a man is truly kind-hearted or just pretending to be.
In this article, I’m going to share seven signs that a man isn’t really as nice as he seems, despite his sweet talk and charming gestures.
Because, let’s face it, being nice is much more than just saying the right things.
1) Actions speak louder than words
We’ve all heard the saying. And when it comes to discerning a man’s true character, it couldn’t be more applicable.
A man can say all the right things, promise the moon and the stars, and even charm your socks off. But if his actions don’t reflect those sweet words, you might need to reconsider his sincerity.
For instance, he might say that he respects you but then consistently undermine your opinions or belittle your achievements. Or he might speak of kindness, yet show little empathy towards others in situations that call for it.
Remember, actions often reveal what words try to conceal. So if there’s a discord between what he says and what he does, that’s a red flag waving right in front of you.
Because, at the end of the day, being nice isn’t just about saying nice things—it’s about doing nice things.
2) Ignoring personal boundaries
I remember dating a guy who seemed like a dream come true. He was caring, attentive and always said the right things. But there was one problem – he didn’t respect my personal boundaries.
Each time I would express a need for some alone time or space to pursue my personal interests, he would dismiss it as being unnecessary or even get upset about it. Despite his sweet words and promises of understanding, he consistently showed a lack of respect for my personal boundaries.
This, in my book, is a clear sign that a man isn’t actually a nice person. A truly nice person understands and respects that everyone has their own personal boundaries and needs.
It’s not about reading all the right lines from the ‘nice guy’ script, it’s about showing genuine respect for the other person’s individuality and personal space.
3) Consistent lack of empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s a fundamental part of being a nice, decent human being.
Interestingly, a study found that people who lack empathy are more likely to engage in aggressive behavior, even when unprovoked.
So if a man seems to struggle with understanding or sharing your feelings, or those of others, it’s not a good sign. Genuine nice guys will try to put themselves in your shoes and show understanding and compassion, regardless of the situation.
If he consistently shows a lack of empathy, even while saying all the right things, it might be an indication that he isn’t as nice as he seems.
4) He’s only nice when it suits him
Some men have a knack for turning on the charm when they want something. They say all the right things, make grand gestures, and seem like the nicest guy on the planet. But what happens when they don’t need anything? Do they continue being nice or does their behavior change?
If a man’s kindness fluctuates based on his needs or wants, that’s a major red flag. True kindness doesn’t come with conditions or ulterior motives.
A genuinely nice man will be consistent in his behavior, regardless of the circumstances. If he only shows up when he needs a favor or if his niceness seems to come and go, you might be dealing with someone who isn’t actually as nice as they seem.
5) Disrespectful towards those who can’t benefit him
Years ago, I had a boyfriend who was the epitome of charm. He was always kind and considerate towards me. But I began to notice how rudely he treated waitstaff, cashiers, or anyone he perceived as “below” him.
It was a jarring contrast to the man I thought I knew. It made me realize that his niceness was selective. He was only nice to those whom he thought mattered or could benefit him in some way.
True kindness isn’t selective. A genuinely nice man will treat everyone with respect, regardless of their status or what they can offer him. The way a man treats those who can do nothing for him can reveal a lot about his true character, more than all the right words ever could.
6) He avoids taking responsibility
Nobody’s perfect. We all make mistakes. But a sign of a genuinely nice person is owning up to those mistakes and taking responsibility.
If a man constantly blames others for his shortcomings or always has an excuse for his missteps, it might be a sign he’s not as nice as he portrays himself to be.
A truly nice person will acknowledge their mistakes, apologize when they’re wrong, and make an effort to learn and grow from the experience. So, if he’s always playing the victim or shirking responsibility, it might be time to question his sincerity.
7) He lacks genuine respect for others
At the heart of every nice person is a deep-seated respect for others. A man can say all the right things, but if he doesn’t show genuine respect – for you, for others, for different opinions and lifestyles – then he’s not truly nice.
Respect is about more than just polite words or gestures. It’s about valuing others as individuals, acknowledging their worth, and treating them with kindness and understanding, without exception.
If a man lacks this fundamental quality, despite his charming words and gestures, then he isn’t actually a nice person. Because true niceness stems from respect – and without it, all the sweet talk in the world means nothing.
Reflection: It’s about authenticity
Peeling back the layers of human behavior and understanding the nature of niceness is no simple task. It’s a complex web of actions, words, and intentions.
One thing that cannot be stressed enough is the importance of authenticity. A man can say all the right things and make all the right moves, but if it doesn’t align with his authentic self, it’s not genuine niceness.
Niceness isn’t about saying what you think others want to hear, it’s about being kind and respectful because that’s who you are at your core. Authenticity is the essence of being truly nice.
As we navigate through relationships and interactions, it’s crucial to remember this. Look beyond the charming words and gestures. Seek out authenticity in actions and consistency in behavior.
Because ultimately, true niceness isn’t about what we say or do, it’s about who we are.
