As a child, I was often told, “To have a friend, be a friend”. And, that’s true! Friendships, like any relationship, require effort from both sides.
Yet, do you ever feel like you’re on a hamster wheel when it comes to maintaining friendships? Like no matter how hard you try, your friends just keep slipping away?
Here’s an insight.
Sometimes, it’s not about the effort you’re putting in, but certain traits you might harbor that can create a wedge in your relationships.
If you’ve found yourself asking “Why can’t I keep friends?” I’ve put together seven attributes that might be playing a subconscious role in making it hard for you to sustain genuine friendships.
Remember, it’s not about blaming ourselves but understanding our patterns to find a path towards healthier relationships.
Here at News Reports, we delve into the human side of everyday stories.
Let’s unravel this one and see what we find.
1) Lack of emotional availability
Let’s face it.
We all have days when we just want to curl up in a ball and shut the world out. That’s perfectly normal.
Yet, if you find yourself consistently closed off, it can be tough for others to maintain a bond with you.
Friendships thrive on emotional exchange – the sharing of joys, sorrows, fears, and hopes.
If you’re often emotionally absent, your friends may start feeling like they’re talking to a wall.
It’s not about sharing every little detail of your life, but being present and responsive when your friends need you. If you struggle with this, it might be time for some introspection.
2) Not being reliable
Let’s rewind a bit.
I remember back in college, I had a friend, let’s call him Mark. He was funny, smart and we got along well.
But there was one problem – Mark was not reliable.
He’d plan to meet up and then cancel last-minute. He’d promise to help with a project and then forget about it.
Over time, this lack of reliability began to strain our friendship.
You see, dependability is crucial in any relationship.
When we can’t count on a friend to be there when they say they will, it can lead to frustration and eventually, the friendship may begin to fade.
If you find yourself often not fulfilling commitments, it might be impacting your friendships more than you realize.
3) Being self-centered
Let’s be real here.
We all love a good listener, don’t we? Someone who genuinely shows interest in our stories, our dreams, our little wins and losses. It makes us feel valued, understood.
But what happens when the conversation is always about one person?
I’ve been there, where every conversation orbits around their life, their problems, their achievements. It’s exhausting. It feels like you’re an audience member rather than a friend.
Friendship is a two-way street. It thrives on mutual respect and interest in each other’s lives.
If your conversations are always about you, it could be pushing people away without you even realizing it.
It’s not easy to acknowledge this in ourselves, but it’s a vital step towards building stronger friendships.
4) Inability to handle conflict
Let’s talk about conflict.
It’s inevitable in any relationship, right? We’re all unique individuals with our own thoughts and opinions. Naturally, we’re going to bump heads once in a while.
Now, think about this – how do you react when there’s a disagreement with a friend? Do you shut down? Become defensive? Maybe even lash out?
It’s interesting how our response to conflict can greatly impact our friendships.
I’ve learned this the hard way. Avoiding conflict or responding to it aggressively only creates more tension.
It can make friends feel like they’re walking on eggshells around you.
The truth is, handling conflict maturely – by listening, understanding, and compromising – can actually strengthen friendships.
But if this is something you struggle with, it could be why maintaining friendships feels like an uphill battle.
5) Lack of empathy
Do you remember the last time a friend was going through a rough patch and you genuinely felt their pain?
That’s empathy, my friend. It’s the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, to step into their shoes and see the world from their perspective.
Believe it or not, research suggests that our brains are actually wired to empathize because it helps us form social bonds.
Here’s the kicker.
If you find it hard to empathize with your friends, it can create a disconnect.
Your friends may feel misunderstood or unsupported, which can gradually erode the foundation of friendship.
Empathy is a skill, one that can be learned and developed. If you feel this is an area you struggle with, don’t lose heart – there’s always room for growth!
6) Expecting perfection
We’re all human, aren’t we?
And being human means we’re beautifully imperfect. We make mistakes, we have flaws, and that’s okay. It’s what makes us real, relatable.
If you find yourself expecting your friends to be perfect – to always say the right thing, never make a mistake, or always be there for you – you could be setting yourself up for disappointment.
Everyone has their own battles, their own strengths and weaknesses.
Your friend might not be great at giving advice, but they might be the one who makes you laugh when you need it the most.
Here’s a gentle reminder:
Cherish your friends for who they are, not who you want them to be. Because in the end, it’s the imperfections that make our friendships unique and meaningful.
7) Neglecting to nurture the friendship
Friendships, like plants, need to be nurtured to grow.
Imagine you have a plant that you water once and then forget about it. It’s going to wilt, right? The same goes for friendships.
If you’re not investing time and effort into your friendships, they’re likely to fade away.
This means checking in on your friends, spending quality time with them, and being there for them – not just in tough times, but in good times too.
Friendships aren’t just about convenience or filling a void. They’re about mutual growth, shared experiences, and creating memories.
If you find your friendships fading, ask yourself – are you nurturing them enough?
Final thoughts
If you see your reflection in these qualities, don’t be hard on yourself.
You’re not alone. We all have our struggles. And the fact that you’re reading this means you’re willing to change, to grow. That’s a big step in itself.
Change isn’t easy, and it doesn’t happen overnight. It starts with self-awareness, then slowly moves towards conscious effort and commitment.
Start by recognizing these traits in your interactions. Reflect on your past and present friendships. Are there patterns? Can you see room for improvement?
Every step, no matter how small, is progress. Each recognition, each effort to change, is a victory in itself.
So be patient with yourself as you navigate this journey. Celebrate your wins, no matter how small they seem.
And most importantly, remember that it’s okay to ask for help when you need it.
After all, we’re all human. We’re all beautifully flawed. And acknowledging our flaws is the first step towards becoming the best versions of ourselves.
Because at the end of the day, it’s not about being perfect. It’s about being real, being authentic.
And who knows?
You might just find that as you grow and evolve, so do your friendships – into deeper, more meaningful connections that truly enrich your life.
