The line between genuine empathy and emotional manipulation can be incredibly thin. Narcissists, experts in the art of manipulation, know just how to use language to their advantage.
They employ certain phrases in a bid to gain your trust and make you feel at ease, all while pushing their own agendas.
Psychology tells us that these phrases aren’t chosen randomly. They’re specifically designed to hook you in and soften you up.
In this article, I’ll be sharing seven such phrases frequently used by narcissists.
Being aware of these can help you understand and navigate the tricky territory of emotional manipulation. Let’s dive in.
1) “I know how you feel…”
Manipulation often starts with empathy, or at least, a seeming display of it.
Narcissists have a knack for making you feel like they understand your feelings better than anyone else.
They use this as a tool to draw you in and build a sense of intimacy.
“I know how you feel…” or “I understand what you’re going through…” are common phrases that a narcissist might employ. These words create a connection and make you feel seen and understood.
However, the twist is that this empathy is often feigned. It’s a strategy to make you let down your guard and trust them more.
Psychology tells us that when someone validates our emotions, we are more likely to trust them and open up about our vulnerabilities.
Narcissists exploit this human tendency for their own ends.
While empathy is vital in any relationship, it’s essential to be aware of how it’s being used. Genuine empathy is about understanding and support, not manipulation.
2) “You’re the only one who…”
Narcissists are masters at making you feel special and unique. They’ll often use phrases like “You’re the only one who understands me…” or “You’re the only one who can help me…”
I remember an old friend, let’s call him Tom, who used this tactic on me.
We weren’t particularly close, but out of the blue, he’d say things like, “You’re the only one who gets my sense of humor,” or “You’re the only one I can talk to about this.”
Initially, it felt good. I felt special and appreciated.
But as time went on, I noticed a pattern. These phrases were always followed by a request or favor he needed from me.
Psychology explains this as a classic narcissistic strategy.
By making you feel ‘special’ or ‘chosen’, they can manipulate you into doing what they want because you feel obliged or don’t want to break that bond.
The lesson here? While it’s nice to feel special, be wary if someone consistently makes you feel like you’re their ‘only’ ally or support system.
It might be a sign that they’re using your emotions to their advantage.
3) “I thought you’d agree with me…”
Narcissists often use phrases that play on our desire for harmony and agreement.
“I thought you’d agree with me…” is a classic line that they might use when you express a differing opinion.
This phrase has a subtle way of making you question your perspective and feel guilty for disagreeing. It’s designed to manipulate you into aligning your viewpoint with theirs.
Psychologists have termed this as “gaslighting”, a form of psychological manipulation that makes the victim question their own sanity or perceptions.
This technique is so prevalent that it was named after a 1944 movie, “Gaslight”, where a husband manipulates his wife into believing that she’s going mad.
The key takeaway here? It’s okay to have differing opinions.
Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty or uncertain for standing your ground.
Healthy relationships thrive on respect for each other’s individual thoughts and viewpoints.
4) “I’m doing this because I love you…”
Narcissists have a way of justifying their actions, no matter how hurtful or damaging, by linking them to their ‘love’ for you.
“I’m doing this because I love you…” is a phrase they might use to rationalize their behavior, making it seem like their actions are in your best interest.
This phrase creates confusion. It makes you think that maybe they’re right, maybe they do have your best interests at heart. But remember, genuine love doesn’t justify harmful behaviors.
This is a form of emotional manipulation, where the person uses your emotions against you to achieve their own ends.
True love respects boundaries and doesn’t use affection as a tool for manipulation. If someone’s actions are hurting you, their proclaimed ‘love’ doesn’t make it okay.
5) “I’m sorry you feel that way…”
This phrase is a classic non-apology. It sounds like they’re expressing regret, but it subtly shifts the blame onto you.
Instead of acknowledging their actions, they focus on your feelings.
Years ago, I had a colleague who often used this phrase. Whenever I’d express my frustration about his behavior, he’d say, “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
It felt as if he was avoiding taking responsibility for his actions.
This is a common tactic used by narcissists to deflect blame.
It’s their way of maintaining control and avoiding accountability.
The next time someone tells you “I’m sorry you feel that way”, think twice. A genuine apology involves acknowledging one’s actions and making amends, not just focusing on how you feel.
6) “I never said that…”
Narcissists are adept at twisting the narrative to suit their needs.
This often involves denying or altering things they’ve previously said. “I never said that…” is a phrase they frequently use when being confronted about their words.
This manipulation tactic aims to make you doubt your memory or understanding of the situation.
It’s a way for them to avoid accountability and control the narrative.
Psychologists refer to this as “gaslighting”. It’s a damaging form of manipulation that can leave you second-guessing your perceptions and feeling confused.
Remember, trust your instincts and experiences. Don’t let anyone convince you that your memories are inaccurate or invalid.
7) “It’s for your own good…”
Narcissists often justify their controlling behavior by claiming it’s for your benefit. The phrase “It’s for your own good…” is a classic example of this.
This phrase is used to validate their actions, making them seem reasonable or even beneficial.
In reality, it’s a way to exert control and manipulate you into going along with their demands.
No one has the right to decide what’s best for you except yourself. Genuine concern respects your autonomy and doesn’t impose choices on you.
You have the right to make your own decisions and live your life on your terms.
Final thoughts: The power of knowledge
Understanding human behavior, especially manipulative tactics, can be a powerful tool in navigating interpersonal relationships.
The phrases we’ve explored are often used by narcissists to gain control and avoid accountability.
These covert manipulation tactics can leave you second-guessing your perceptions and feeling confused.
Knowledge is power. Being aware of these phrases and their implications can help you identify manipulation and protect yourself from emotional harm.
Everyone has the right to be treated with respect and kindness. Don’t let anyone’s manipulative words make you question your worth or your reality.
In the words of Maya Angelou, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”
Understanding the signs of narcissistic behavior allows us to do just that.
