Remember when I said, “You can never have too many friends”?
Well, it’s true. Friendships can bring joy, support, and color into our lives. But let’s face it. Not all individuals who cross our paths mean well.
Some people have a knack for manipulation. They use certain phrases designed to undermine your confidence, making you question your worth and abilities.
Ever found yourself caught in this web?
It’s confusing and disconcerting. But don’t worry. I’m here to help you spot those red flags.
Each section of the article will hone in on a particular phrase, breaking it down to its core—making it easier for you to spot and understand.
Knowledge is power. Understanding these tactics can be the first step towards regaining your confidence and control.
So, let’s get started.
1) “You’re too sensitive.”
Let’s start with one of the most common phrases manipulative people use: “You’re too sensitive”.
Have you heard this before?
It’s a classic. A manipulator uses this phrase to dismiss your feelings or concerns. They make it seem like you’re overreacting or being overly emotional.
It’s a way for them to invalidate your experience and make you feel guilty for expressing your feelings.
Here’s the kicker.
This manipulative phrase is designed to undermine your confidence in your own perceptions and emotions.
When someone tells you that you’re too sensitive, remember that it’s not about you. It’s about them trying to maintain control. Your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to express them.
So, next time someone tells you that you’re too sensitive, take a moment. Reflect on whether they’re trying to manipulate you into doubting yourself.
After all, recognizing the problem is the first step towards dealing with it.
2) “I was just joking.”
Here’s another one that rings a bell: “I was just joking”.
Let me share a personal story.
A few years ago, I had a colleague who would constantly make snide remarks about my work. Every time I confronted him, he’d brush it off, saying, “I was just joking”.
Sound familiar?
This phrase is often used as a defence mechanism to disguise hurtful comments and belittling remarks. It’s a way for manipulators to shift the blame onto you, making you feel like you’re overreacting or can’t take a joke.
And you know what the worst part is?
It made me question my own judgment. Was I being too sensitive? Could I really not take a joke?
But here’s the thing.
If someone’s ‘jokes’ are leaving you feeling upset or belittled, then it’s not about your sense of humour—it’s about their intention.
It’s okay to speak up when someone crosses the line, even if they insist they were “just joking”. Stand up for yourself and your feelings. They are valid.
3) “No one else thinks that.”
Now, here’s a phrase that’s a masterstroke in manipulation: “No one else thinks that”.
It’s isolating. It’s belittling. And it’s designed to make you question your own thoughts and opinions.
I’ve seen it happen. I’ve felt it happen.
You share an idea or opinion, and suddenly, you’re met with this sneaky phrase. The manipulator makes you feel like your perspective is invalid because, supposedly, no one else shares it.
But here’s what’s really going on.
It’s a classic tactic of manipulation – making you feel alone in your thoughts, making you question yourself, and shaking your confidence.
It’s about power and control, not about the validity of your thoughts or feelings.
If someone tries to pull this one on you, remember – it’s not about the popularity of an opinion that makes it valid.
Your thoughts matter. Even if you’re the only one who thinks so.
4) “If you really cared…”
Ever heard this one: “If you really cared, you would…”.
This phrase is a manipulator’s tool to guilt-trip you into doing something you might not want to do.
Here’s how it usually goes.
You’re unable, or unwilling, to do something the manipulator wants. Then they drop this phrase. Suddenly, your loyalty, your care, your feelings are under question.
But let’s be clear about something.
Your worth or the depth of your feelings for someone should never be measured by your willingness to comply with their every demand.
Remember, it’s okay to set boundaries. It’s okay to say no. Caring about someone doesn’t mean putting yourself last.
So, next time someone uses this phrase on you, stand firm. You know your worth and your feelings better than anyone else.
5) “You’re not remembering it correctly.”
This one is a real doozy: “You’re not remembering it correctly”.
Sounds harmless, right? But it’s actually a form of gaslighting, a manipulative tactic where someone tries to make you question your own reality.
Here’s something you might not know.
Psychologists have found that our memories can be influenced by the way information is presented to us. In fact, studies have shown that people can be led to remember false events through suggestion.
Manipulators use this knowledge to their advantage. They challenge your memory of events, making you question your perception and, ultimately, shaking your confidence in your own mind.
If someone’s version of events doesn’t align with yours, it doesn’t automatically mean you’re wrong or misremembering. Trust yourself and your memories. It’s okay to stand by your truth.
6) “You always…” or “You never…”
“You always…” or “You never…” – these phrases can be pretty hard to hear, right?
They’re absolutes, painting your actions with a broad brush and leaving no room for nuanced discussion. They can make you feel like you’re constantly doing something wrong.
But here’s what I want to tell you.
We all make mistakes. We all have areas we can improve on. But these phrases are not about constructive criticism – they are about making you feel inadequate and undermining your confidence.
It’s important to remember that nobody is perfect. You are allowed to make mistakes and learn from them.
When you hear these phrases, take a deep breath, remind yourself of your worth, and know that it’s okay not to be perfect.
Your growth and progress matter more than any absolute statement made by someone else.
7) “I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal out of this.”
And finally, the phrase that can make you feel like your concerns are trivial: “I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal out of this”.
This is your reality, your feelings, your experiences. No one else gets to dictate their importance or validity.
You have every right to feel the way you do and to express those feelings. No issue that matters to you is ever too small or insignificant.
Embrace your strength
If you’ve noticed these phrases popping up in your life, it’s time for a change.
But here’s the uplifting part – recognizing these tactics is the first step to reclaiming your confidence.
Start by tuning in to these phrases. Notice when they’re used and how they make you feel. Understand that manipulative individuals use these phrases to control, not to communicate.
Then, take a pause.
Ask yourself – is this phrase making me question my worth? Is it undermining my confidence? If so, remember that your feelings and perceptions are valid. You have a right to assert them.
Change won’t come instantly. It’s a process.
But every time you recognize these phrases for what they are, every time you trust your instincts instead of doubting yourself, you become stronger.
So, be gentle with yourself as you navigate this journey. You’re learning, growing, and, most importantly, reclaiming your power.
And remember, nobody has the right to undermine your confidence or make you feel less than what you are – unique, valuable, and deserving of respect.
