If someone snaps at you, they might just be having a bad day. If someone seems indifferent to your problems, they might just be preoccupied.
But sometimes, these actions carry heavier implications about a person’s character.
Yes, I’m talking about empathy, that innate ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s what makes us human, allowing us to connect on a deeper level.
But here’s the kicker: not everyone excels in this department. Some people, without even realizing it, routinely drop phrases that reveal their lack of empathy.
And it’s not just about the eight specific phrases I’m going to share with you in this article. It’s also about the impact these words can have on others around them.
So buckle up, because we’re diving into the world of empathy – or rather, the lack thereof.
1) “It’s not that big of a deal”
Emotions are messy, unpredictable, and often hard to handle. But for those lacking empathy, they can seem like an alien concept.
Picture this: you have a problem that’s weighing heavily on your mind. You decide to open up about it to a friend, hoping for some understanding or at least a sympathetic ear.
But instead, you’re met with a dismissive “It’s not that big of a deal.”
Ouch, right?
This phrase is often used by those who struggle with empathy.
They might not mean to belittle your feelings, but that’s exactly what they’re doing. They’re unable to grasp the weight of what you’re feeling, and so they unintentionally minimize it.
This phrase can hurt. It can make you feel invalidated and unheard. And that’s why it’s important to recognize it for what it is: a sign of lack of empathy.
2) “I don’t see why you’re so upset”
Personal experiences can sometimes be the best teachers. Let me share one with you.
A couple of years ago, I was going through a rough patch. My job was stressing me out, and I was feeling overwhelmed. One day, I confided in a colleague about how I was feeling.
His response? “I don’t see why you’re so upset. It’s just a job.”
That phrase hit me like a punch in the gut. Here I was, pouring my heart out, and his response was to trivialize what I was going through.
Looking back, I realize it wasn’t that he didn’t care. Rather, he lacked the empathy to truly understand what I was going through. He couldn’t put himself in my shoes and recognize the gravity of my feelings.
And that’s the thing about this phrase – it often comes from a place of misunderstanding rather than malice. But that doesn’t make it any less damaging.
3) “Just get over it”
“Get over it.” We’ve all heard this phrase, and some of us are guilty of using it. It’s a quick way to shut down a conversation, and it often comes from people who lack empathy.
But here’s something you might not know: emotions aren’t something we can just get over. According to psychologists, emotions need to be processed and understood before they can be let go.
When someone tells you to “just get over it,” they’re essentially asking you to ignore your feelings, which can have harmful long-term effects on your mental health.
This phrase serves as a clear sign of a lack of empathy, as it fails to acknowledge the complexity of human emotions and the time it often takes to heal from emotional distress.
4) “You’re too sensitive”
Have you ever been told you’re too sensitive? I know I have, and it’s not a pleasant feeling.
This phrase is often used by those who lack empathy as a way to dismiss someone’s feelings or experiences. Instead of trying to understand why someone might be upset, they label them as overly sensitive.
But here’s the thing: there’s no such thing as being too sensitive. Emotions are personal and everyone has their own threshold for what they can handle.
When someone tells you that you’re too sensitive, they’re not acknowledging your feelings. They’re invalidating your experience and, in doing so, displaying a lack of empathy.
Remember, it’s okay to feel deeply. It’s okay to be moved by things. Your emotions are valid, and anyone who tells you otherwise might just be lacking in empathy.
5) “That’s just how life is”
Life is tough – I get it. We all do. It’s full of ups and downs, twists and turns, and sometimes it can feel like too much.
But when I’m going through a hard time and someone tells me, “That’s just how life is,” it feels like a slap in the face.
It’s as if they’re telling me that my feelings are invalid, that I should just accept whatever is happening without complaint or emotion. And that’s not fair.
I believe that it’s okay to feel upset when life gets hard. It’s okay to need support and understanding. And it’s definitely not okay for someone to dismiss your struggles with a careless phrase.
Just because life is tough doesn’t mean we shouldn’t empathize with each other. If anything, it makes empathy even more important.
And anyone who dismisses your struggles with this phrase might be lacking in that department.
6) “I don’t have time for this”
Time is precious, we all know that. But when it comes to human connections and emotions, “I don’t have time for this” can be a phrase that reveals a lack of empathy.
At first glance, it might seem like a simple declaration of being busy. But dig a little deeper and you’ll find it’s often used as an excuse to avoid engaging with someone else’s emotional experience.
Empathy isn’t about having time; it’s about making time. It’s about prioritizing understanding and connection over convenience.
When someone uses this phrase to brush off your feelings or problems, it’s more than just a scheduling issue. It’s an indicator that they might be struggling with empathy.
7) “You’re just overreacting”
We’ve all been there – something upsets us and we react, only to be told we’re overreacting.
This phrase is a classic in the handbook of those lacking empathy. By saying you’re overreacting, they’re minimizing your feelings and experiences, essentially trying to dictate how you should feel.
But here’s the thing: emotions are personal. What might seem like an overreaction to one person could be a perfectly reasonable response to someone else.
When someone tells you that you’re overreacting, they’re not just dismissing your feelings – they’re showing a lack of understanding and empathy for your emotional experience.
8) “Why can’t you just be happy?”
Happiness is something we all strive for. But being told “Why can’t you just be happy?” when you’re feeling down is far from helpful.
This phrase, often used by those lacking empathy, disregards the complexity of human emotions. It implies that happiness is a choice, something we can switch on and off at will.
But emotions aren’t that simple. They can’t be controlled or manipulated to fit someone else’s expectations.
When someone asks you why you can’t just be happy, they’re not showing understanding or empathy for your emotional state.
Instead, they’re displaying a fundamental misunderstanding of human emotions and a lack of empathy for your experience.
Wrapping up
If you’ve journeyed with me to this point, hopefully, you’ve gained a deeper understanding of what lack of empathy can look like in everyday interactions.
Remember, empathy isn’t about agreeing with someone or feeling sorry for them. It’s about understanding their perspective, their emotions, and their experiences.
As Atticus Finch in “To Kill a Mockingbird” said, “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view… until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.”
That’s the essence of empathy. And when it’s lacking, it can be detected in the phrases we use, intentionally or unintentionally.
Next time you hear one of these phrases, take a moment. Reflect on what it means not just for you, but for the person saying it.
Because understanding and empathy are two-way streets. And the more we understand about each other’s perspectives, the closer we get to genuine human connection.
