Confidence isn’t something you’re just born with—it’s something you build over time. And as we age, it becomes even more important to feel self-assured in who we are and the choices we make.
But here’s the thing: sometimes, the habits we hold onto are the very things holding us back. The small doubts, the unnecessary apologies, the fear of what others think—they chip away at our confidence without us even realizing it.
If you want to step into a more confident version of yourself, it’s not just about what you do—it’s also about what you stop doing. Here are eight habits to let go of so you can grow into a more self-assured you.
1) Seeking constant validation
It feels good to be liked. To have people agree with us, support us, and tell us we’re doing the right thing. But if you rely too much on outside validation, your confidence will always be at the mercy of others.
The truth is, not everyone will approve of your choices—and that’s okay. Confidence comes from knowing your own worth, not from waiting for others to confirm it.
Instead of constantly seeking reassurance, start trusting your own judgment. The more you back yourself, the less you’ll need others to do it for you.
2) Apologizing when it’s not necessary
I used to say “sorry” all the time—sometimes for things that weren’t even my fault.
If someone bumped into me, I’d apologize. If I had a question in a meeting, I’d start with, “Sorry to bother you.” It became a reflex, and I didn’t even realize how much it was undermining my confidence.
Then one day, a friend pointed it out. They asked, “Why are you apologizing for existing?” That hit me hard. It made me realize how often I was shrinking myself to make others comfortable.
So I started catching myself. Instead of “Sorry for asking,” I’d say, “I have a question.” Instead of “Sorry for the delay,” I’d say, “Thanks for your patience.”
It was a small shift, but over time, it made a huge difference in how I saw myself—and how others saw me too.
3) Avoiding eye contact
Eye contact is one of the most powerful ways we communicate confidence. In fact, studies have shown that people who maintain steady eye contact are perceived as more competent, trustworthy, and self-assured.
But for many, avoiding eye contact becomes a habit—whether out of shyness, discomfort, or simply not realizing they’re doing it.
The problem is, when you constantly look away, it can send the message that you’re unsure of yourself, even if that’s not how you feel inside.
The good news? Eye contact is a skill that can be improved. Start small—hold someone’s gaze for an extra second in conversation. Practice looking at people when you enter a room.
Over time, it will feel more natural, and you’ll notice the difference in how both you and others perceive your confidence.
4) Overexplaining yourself
Have you ever caught yourself justifying a simple decision with a long explanation?
Maybe you turned down an invitation and immediately launched into a detailed reason why. Or you made a choice at work and felt the need to defend it from every possible angle.
Overexplaining often comes from a place of insecurity—the feeling that we need to prove ourselves to avoid judgment or criticism. But true confidence means trusting that your decisions don’t need endless justification.
Next time you catch yourself overexplaining, pause. A simple “No, I can’t make it” or “This is what I’ve decided” is enough. The more you practice stating things simply and directly, the more self-assured you’ll feel.
5) Doubting your own voice
There’s nothing more frustrating than having something valuable to say but holding back out of fear.
Maybe you worry that you’re not knowledgeable enough or that someone else will say it better. So you stay quiet, even when your thoughts deserve to be heard.
But confidence isn’t about always having the perfect answer—it’s about trusting that your perspective matters. The more you silence yourself, the more you reinforce the idea that your voice isn’t important.
And that’s simply not true.
The world needs people who speak up, who share their ideas, who contribute without second-guessing themselves.
So don’t let doubt stop you. Your voice has value—use it.
6) Letting fear of failure hold you back
For a long time, the fear of getting things wrong kept me from even trying.
I’d overthink decisions, hesitate to take risks, and talk myself out of opportunities before I even gave them a chance. If there was a possibility of failing—or even just looking foolish—I’d convince myself it wasn’t worth the risk.
But avoiding failure doesn’t build confidence; it builds regret.
Growth comes from doing things before you feel ready, from making mistakes and realizing they’re not the end of the world. Some of the biggest breakthroughs happen after we’ve stumbled, not when we’ve played it safe.
The truth is, failure isn’t what holds us back—it’s the fear of it. And once you stop letting that fear control you, confidence follows naturally.
7) Comparing yourself to others
It’s easy to look at someone else’s life and feel like you’re falling behind.
Social media makes it worse—everywhere you turn, there’s someone achieving something, looking effortlessly happy, or seeming to have it all figured out.
But comparison is a losing game. There will always be someone ahead in some way. And the more time you spend measuring yourself against others, the less time you spend appreciating your own progress.
Confidence grows when you focus on your own path. Celebrate your wins, no matter how small. Measure yourself against who you were yesterday, not who someone else is today. That’s where real self-assurance comes from.
8) Ignoring your own needs
Confidence isn’t just about how you present yourself to the world—it’s also about how you treat yourself.
If you constantly put others first while neglecting your own needs, you send yourself the message that you don’t matter as much.
Standing up for yourself, setting boundaries, and prioritizing your well-being aren’t selfish—they’re necessary. The more you honor your own needs, the more self-assured you become. Confidence starts with self-respect.
Bottom line: Confidence is built through action
Self-assurance isn’t something you wake up with one day—it’s something you build, step by step, through the choices you make.
Psychologists have found that confidence often follows action, not the other way around. The more you challenge old habits, speak up for yourself, and trust your own decisions, the more confident you become.
Letting go of self-doubt doesn’t happen overnight, but every small shift adds up. And over time, those shifts create something powerful—an unshakable belief in yourself.
