There’s a stark difference between parents who make their children a priority and those who don’t.
This divide isn’t necessarily about tangible things like money or gifts, but often lies in emotional availability and consistent support.
Growing up under the care of parents who didn’t prioritize you can leave lasting marks. And these signs can be subtle, often manifesting in your adult relationships and self-perception.
In this article, we’re going to explore seven signs that might indicate you were raised by parents who never truly made you a priority.
We’ll delve into these indicators not with an intention to blame, but to understand and ultimately heal.
By being aware of these signs, you can better navigate your emotional journey and break free from any negative patterns. So, let’s explore together.
1) You often feel invisible
One of the most subtle and yet profound signs is a lingering feeling of invisibility.
Children who were not made a priority often grow up feeling like their thoughts, feelings, and experiences didn’t matter. This can translate into adulthood as a sense that you’re overlooked or ignored.
You may find yourself overcompensating by trying to be louder or more noticeable. Alternatively, you might retreat, believing that no one is interested in what you have to say or feel.
It’s essential to remember that this feeling isn’t a reflection of your worth. It’s a leftover from a time when your needs were sidelined. Recognizing this can be the first step towards healing.
2) Difficulty forming close relationships
If you’ve ever felt like forming close, intimate relationships is like solving a complex puzzle, you’re not alone. I’ve been there too.
Growing up, my parents were always busy with their own lives. I often felt like a background character in their story. This led to me developing a tendency to keep people at arm’s length in my adult life.
I would forge friendships, sure, but when it came to sharing my deepest fears or joys, I’d hesitate. It was as if an invisible wall had been erected between me and the rest of the world.
This struggle to form close relationships is a common sign that you may not have been your parents’ priority. It stems from a fear that if you let people in, they too might disregard your needs like your parents did.
It’s a tough habit to break, but recognizing it is a significant first step towards building healthier relationships.
3) You’re overly self-reliant
Children who grow up feeling like they’re not a priority often learn to depend on themselves for their needs. This self-reliance can persist into adulthood, leading to a reluctance to ask for help even when it’s needed.
According to a study, excessive self-reliance can lead to stress, burnout and even mental health issues like depression and anxiety.
While it’s important to be able to take care of yourself, recognizing when you need help and asking for it is equally crucial. This balance allows for healthier interactions and relationships in your life.
4) You struggle with setting boundaries
Children who were not made a priority in their family can sometimes struggle with setting boundaries in their adult relationships.
This could be because they’ve grown accustomed to having their needs overlooked, and therefore, they may have difficulty asserting themselves. They might fear that setting boundaries could lead to rejection or conflict.
If you find yourself constantly saying “yes” when you want to say “no,” or if you feel guilty about prioritizing your own needs, it might be a sign that you’re struggling with setting boundaries.
It’s important to remember that setting boundaries is not selfish. It’s a crucial part of maintaining healthy relationships and ensuring your own mental and emotional wellbeing.
5) You have a high tolerance for poor treatment
I didn’t realize it for the longest time, but I had an alarmingly high tolerance for poor treatment. People would walk all over me, and I’d rationalize their behavior instead of standing up for myself.
I chalked it up to being easy-going, but in reality, I was allowing others to treat me poorly because that’s what I was used to.
Growing up, my feelings and needs were often disregarded, and I’d internalized the belief that this was normal.
If you too find yourself putting up with behavior that you know isn’t right, it could be a sign that you were not made a priority growing up.
It’s essential to recognize that you deserve respect and kindness, just like anyone else.
6) You’re a people-pleaser
People-pleasing is another common trait among those who were not made a priority in their family.
This often stems from a childhood need to gain approval or attention from parents who were emotionally unavailable or neglectful.
You may find yourself going out of your way to accommodate others, often at your own expense. This could include suppressing your own needs, desires, or opinions for fear of upsetting others or causing conflict.
Remember, it’s not your responsibility to keep everyone else happy, especially if it comes at the cost of your own happiness or wellbeing. It’s okay to put yourself first sometimes.
7) You struggle with self-esteem
Perhaps the most profound sign of all is a deep-seated struggle with self-esteem.
Growing up, we look to our parents for validation and affirmation. If we don’t receive this, we might internalize the feeling of being not good enough.
Remember, your worth is not determined by how others treat you, including your parents. You are inherently valuable and deserving of love, respect, and attention.
Recognizing this truth is perhaps the most important step towards healing and personal growth.
Final thoughts: It’s about understanding, not blaming
As we explore these signs, it’s crucial to remember that this isn’t about pinning blame on our parents.
Our parents are human beings, with their own histories, struggles, and limitations. Sometimes, they might not have been able to give us what we needed because they didn’t have it themselves.
Rather, recognizing these signs is about gaining a deeper understanding of ourselves and our pasts. It’s about identifying patterns that might be holding us back from living our fullest lives.
Psychologist Carl Jung once said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
By acknowledging these signs, we take the first step in taking control of our narratives, breaking free from old patterns, and building healthier relationships with ourselves and others.
Remember, it’s never too late to heal from your past. You are worthy of being a priority.
