Being a grandparent is about more than just spoiling the grandkids and sending them home.
The best grandparents play a meaningful role in their grandchildren’s lives, shaping their growth in ways that last a lifetime.
But what separates an exceptional grandparent from an average one? Psychology gives us some clues.
Great grandparents don’t just offer love and support—they have specific behaviors that help them build deep, lasting connections with their grandkids.
And the good news? These behaviors can be learned.
Here are seven things exceptional grandparents do, according to psychology:
1) They make their grandchildren feel truly heard
Great grandparents don’t just listen—they make their grandchildren feel truly heard.
There’s a big difference between hearing someone and actually understanding them.
Kids, like adults, want to feel that their thoughts and feelings matter.
When a grandparent takes the time to listen without interrupting, dismissing, or rushing to give advice, it builds trust and emotional security.
This kind of deep listening helps grandchildren feel valued and respected.
It encourages them to open up more and strengthens the bond between generations.
If you want to be an exceptional grandparent, start by truly listening.
Put down your phone, make eye contact, and show genuine interest in what your grandchild has to say.
It might seem like a small thing, but it makes a world of difference.
2) They create lasting memories through shared experiences
One of the best things my grandmother ever gave me wasn’t a toy, money, or even advice—it was time.
Every summer, she would take me on little adventures.
Sometimes it was as simple as baking cookies together, other times it was a long walk where we’d talk about life.
These moments weren’t just fun; they made me feel special, like I truly mattered to her.
Even now, years later, those memories are some of the most cherished of my life.
Exceptional grandparents understand that they don’t just give gifts; they create experiences that turn into lasting memories.
Whether it’s a special tradition, a shared hobby, or simply being present for the little things, these moments leave an imprint that lasts long after childhood.
3) They admit when they make mistakes
No one gets everything right—not even grandparents.
I remember a time when my grandfather snapped at me over something small; I don’t even remember what it was about, but I do remember what he did afterward.
He sat me down, looked me in the eye, and apologized.
No excuses, no justifications—just a simple, “I was wrong, and I’m sorry.”
That moment stuck with me. It taught me that even the people we look up to the most aren’t perfect—and that real strength comes from owning up to our mistakes.
Psychologist Brené Brown, who studies vulnerability and shame, says: “Imperfections are not inadequacies; they are reminders that we’re all in this together.”
They don’t pretend to be flawless, and they don’t let their pride get in the way of connection.
Instead of brushing things under the rug or insisting they’re always right, they show their grandchildren what it means to be accountable.
By doing so, they teach one of the most valuable life lessons of all: that making mistakes isn’t what defines us—it’s how we handle them that matters.
4) They make every grandchild feel uniquely special
Exceptional grandparents have a way of making each grandchild feel like they are their favorite—without ever saying it out loud.
I have siblings and cousins, and we all had the same grandparents.
Somehow, my grandmother made me feel like I was the most important person in the world when we were together.
She remembered the little things—my favorite book, the way I liked my tea, the stories I loved hearing over and over again—and she did the same for each of my cousins in their own way.
Psychologist William James once said: “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.”
Great grandparents understand this instinctively.
They don’t treat their grandkids as a group—they see them as individuals, each with their own personality, interests, and dreams.
It’s not about grand gestures; it’s about paying attention.
Asking about their passions, celebrating their quirks, and showing that they are seen and valued for who they truly are.
When a child grows up feeling special in this way, it’s something they carry with them for life.
5) They don’t try to be a second parent
It might seem like great grandparents should step in and help raise their grandchildren, but the best ones know when to take a step back.
It’s tempting to correct, discipline, or even override the parents’ decisions.
After all, grandparents have years of wisdom and experience, but exceptional grandparents understand that their role isn’t to be a second parent—it’s to be something different.
A safe space, a trusted confidant, and a source of unconditional love without the weight of daily parenting responsibilities.
Children need a place where they can retreat from the pressures of the world, but they also need to know someone is always there when they need them.
That’s what great grandparents provide—a reassuring presence without the constant demands of authority.
By respecting boundaries and allowing parents to take the lead, exceptional grandparents create a relationship built on trust, warmth, and deep emotional connection.
Often, that’s exactly what a child needs most.
6) They share stories—not just advice
Exceptional grandparents know that wisdom isn’t just about giving advice—it’s about telling stories.
Kids don’t always want to be told what to do. But they love hearing stories, especially ones about their grandparents’ lives.
The struggles they faced, the mistakes they made, the lessons they learned along the way.
These stories don’t just entertain—they teach, inspire, and create a bridge between generations.
We don’t just process life through facts—we make sense of it through stories.
Great grandparents understand this intuitively.
Instead of lecturing their grandkids on how to handle life’s challenges, they share their own experiences.
They talk about their childhoods, their triumphs and failures, the things they wish they had done differently.
In doing so, they pass down wisdom in a way that actually sticks.
If you want to leave a lasting impact on your grandchildren, don’t just tell them what to do—tell them a story instead.
7) They make their love feel unconditional
The best grandparents make you feel like there’s nothing you could ever do to lose their love.
I remember messing up badly as a kid—something that left me afraid of disappointing my family.
However, when I told my grandfather, he didn’t scold me or make me feel worse.
He just smiled gently and said, “Well, that’s part of being human.”
In that moment, I knew his love for me wasn’t based on me being perfect.
It was steady, unshakable—no matter what.
That’s exactly what great grandparents offer: A love that isn’t earned through achievements or good behavior but is simply there—constant and unwavering.
This kind of love gives grandchildren the confidence to be themselves, to take risks, and to know that even when they stumble, they’ll always have a safe place to land.
In the end, that’s one of the greatest gifts a grandparent can give.
