7 signs of a person has never experienced true, deep love (according to psychology)

Navigating the terrain of love can be a tricky business. Not everyone is fortunate enough to experience that deep, soul-stirring kind of love that leaves a lasting impression.

Some people live their lives skimming the surface of love, never fully immersing themselves in its profound depths. These individuals, unknowingly, carry certain signs that give away their lack of experience in true love.

Psychology offers some interesting insights into these signs. As someone who’s spent a fair amount of time studying the human mind and emotions, I’ve put together this list of seven telltale signs that someone has never experienced true, deep love.

So, buckle up as we delve into the world of love from a psychological perspective.

1) They struggle with vulnerability

In the realm of relationships, vulnerability is key. It’s the willingness to open up, share your deepest fears and desires, and let someone else see you at your rawest and most real.

Psychology suggests that those who’ve never experienced deep love often grapple with vulnerability. They put up walls, avoid emotional depth and generally resist taking the leap into emotional intimacy.

This struggle often originates from fear – fear of rejection, fear of getting hurt, or simply the fear of letting someone else in. But true, deep love demands vulnerability. It’s about trusting another person with your innermost self, and that’s not something everyone is comfortable with.

So, if you notice someone consistently dodging emotional depth, it could be a sign they’ve never really experienced deep love. But remember, it doesn’t mean they’re incapable of it. Everyone has their own pace when it comes to unveiling their emotional layers.

2) They confuse infatuation with love

Love and infatuation – two powerful emotions that can easily be mistaken for each other, especially by those who’ve never truly been in love.

I remember a time in my own life when I got caught up in the whirlwind of a new relationship. The excitement, the butterflies, the constant desire to be around this person – it felt like love. But as time passed, the initial spark began to fade. The imperfections began to surface and the disagreements started. I realized then that what I had mistaken for love was actually infatuation.

Psychology tells us that infatuation is an intense but short-lived passion for someone whereas love is deeper, more enduring. People who’ve never experienced deep love often mistake these initial feelings of attraction and obsession for love. But true love goes beyond the surface-level excitement. It’s about understanding, patience and accepting the other person with all their flaws.

So, if someone jumps from one relationship to another, chasing after that initial rush of feelings, it could signal that they’ve never truly experienced deep love.

3) They lack empathy

One of the core elements of true, deep love is empathy – the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Without empathy, a relationship lacks the emotional depth that is characteristic of deep love.

Studies have shown that empathy activates the same regions of the brain that are associated with the experience of physical pain. It’s a profound emotional response that allows us to connect with others on a deeper level.

When someone has never experienced deep love, they may struggle with empathy. They might find it hard to step into another person’s shoes, to understand their perspective or to genuinely care about their feelings.

This lack of empathy can create a barrier to deep love, preventing them from connecting with others on an emotional level. It’s not necessarily a permanent barrier, but it’s definitely a sign that they haven’t yet experienced the depths of true love.

4) They’re fixated on the idea of perfection

True, deep love is not about perfection. It’s about accepting the flaws, the quirks, and the imperfections that make someone unique.

However, those who’ve never experienced this kind of love often have an idealized image of what love should be. They’re chasing after a picture-perfect relationship, without realizing that such a thing doesn’t exist.

They might have unrealistic expectations from their partner or from the relationship itself, always finding something or someone to blame when things don’t align with their ideal.

This fixation on perfection can hinder them from experiencing true love. Because true love isn’t about finding the perfect person, but about seeing an imperfect person perfectly.

5) They avoid conflict

Conflict is a part of any relationship. It’s not pleasant, but it’s through these tough times that we learn, grow, and deepen our connection.

I’ve had my share of disagreements and arguments in my relationships. There were moments when I wished I could avoid the conflict altogether. But I learned that these conflicts were opportunities for growth. They helped me understand my partner better, made our bond stronger, and deepened our love.

Individuals who’ve never experienced deep love often run at the first sign of conflict. They see it as a threat rather than an opportunity for growth. But avoiding conflict doesn’t make it disappear; it only buries it under the surface, where it can fester and damage the relationship in the long run.

So if someone constantly avoids any kind of disagreement or conflict, it could be a sign they’ve never truly experienced deep love.

6) They’re afraid of commitment

Commitment can be a scary word for some people. It’s a promise, a pledge, a vow to be there for someone no matter what. And that level of obligation can be intimidating.

People who’ve never experienced deep love often fear commitment. They may enjoy the thrill of new relationships, but when it comes to making long-term promises, they back off. This fear often stems from the uncertainty of the future or the fear of losing their independence.

However, true love requires commitment. It’s about deciding to stick around through thick and thin, in sickness and in health. Fear of commitment can hinder someone from experiencing this depth of love. It’s not an insurmountable barrier, but it’s definitely a sign they’ve not yet dived into the deeper end of love.

7) They’re self-centered

Deep love is about putting someone else’s needs on par with, or even ahead of, your own. It’s about caring for another person’s happiness as much as your own.

On the other hand, people who’ve never experienced this kind of love often tend to be self-centered. They prioritize their own needs and wants, often at the expense of their partner’s feelings.

This self-centeredness can prevent them from experiencing deep love. Because true love is not just about taking, it’s about giving. It’s about sharing, caring, and putting in the effort to make someone else happy.

So if you notice someone consistently prioritizing their own needs over others, it’s a sign they’ve never truly experienced deep love.

Final reflection: It’s a journey

Unraveling the complexities of love is like embarking on an endless journey. It’s intricate, profound, and deeply personal.

Psychology provides us with some insights, but it’s essential to remember that our experiences with love are as unique as we are.

The seven signs discussed here are not definitive proof of whether someone has experienced deep love. They’re merely indicators, hints that can help us understand ourselves and others better.

Sigmund Freud, one of the most influential figures in psychology, once said, “We are never so defenseless against suffering as when we love.” This vulnerability, this willingness to face suffering for the sake of love, is the crux of deep love.

And if you’re reading this and realize you identify with some or all of these signs, don’t despair. Love is not a destination; it’s a journey. A journey filled with lessons, growth, and self-discovery. A journey that each one of us navigates at our own pace.

So take heart. Whether you’ve experienced deep love or not, know that this is your journey, and every step you take brings you closer to understanding the depths of your own heart.

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